This Is The Story About A Lost Angel
Sep. 24th, 2011 08:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwaevalarinOkay, I have read quite a few other views and opinions, positive and negative by now, so I think it's time for a (hopefully) a little more coherent recap. Nope, sorry, coherency is apparently not going to happen with this episode.
Let's start with the main reason why I loved the episode: Other than last year's premiere, it had me hold my breath through pretty much all of it. And it left me with so many thoughts and feelings that I don't even know where to begin.
And other than last season's finale, while some things made me angry, they did not make me angry for bad or lazy writing, they had me angry within the story.
A warning right here: This review may not end up being too kind on Dean, but I'll try to keep the negativity to a minimum.
Another important note: My current love for this episode depends largely on the next episode. It depends on Castiel still being in there somewhere, and fighting his way back. I it never even crossed my mind that Castiel may really be dead until I went on tumblr. If what we saw today was Castiel's death scene, then by this time next week, I will probably hate this episode as much as I love it now. But I'm tired of worrying about things that may or may not happen. I did this all summer. So for the next week - or at least until my fear for Castiel overrules everything else again - I will assume that they do not really let it end that way. The next episode was written by Ben Edlund after all.
It also helps a lot that I can still easily keep my headcanon alive, of Balthazar's grace still being with Castiel. In my head, Balthazar is currently fighting the Leviathan for control at Castiel's side.
On to the episode then. Like always, I will concentrate mainly on Castiel. I have so much going through my head that it would be completely impossible to go into everything.
I had already seen the first two minutes of the episodes, so I was prepared for them. There is a moment of Castiel being himself when he tells Sam and Dean to stop and that their bowing isn't worth anything. The rest doesn't feel quite like Castiel. I don't feel it as strongly any more as I did when I saw the scene for the first time. Probably because I have a totally different creature to compare it to now. But it still feels slightly off, even for a souled up Castiel. Then again, he is freshly souled up, and bitter, so I think maybe it is just Castiel in the heat of the moment, with a small first Leviathan influence. That influence is very clearly there in the smile when he talks about them being his favourite pets.
So, yes, I think the Leviathan are influencing Castiel from the start of the episode, but most of what we see in the next 35 minutes or so is still mainly Castiel.
The last thing he says before leaving is that he hopes that this is the last they seem him. Castiel knows that bond between him and Dean is broken. If Dean ever comes for him again, it will be in an attempt to kill him, and then Castiel will find himself forced to defend himself. There was a time when he would have died rather than hurt Dean, but Dean's lack of trust has cut so deep, that he won't any more. I think much of what we see here, is Castiel distancing himself from Dean (and Sam and Bobby) the same way Dean has spent the last episodes, and will continue, trying to distance himself from Castiel. But not only that, Castiel is also distancing himself from all emotions, like the ones connected with Bathazar. He has thousands of years of practise doing that, so he is probably pretty good at fooling himself. The main problem is that the angel Castiel never felt the same anger and pain the new god Castiel feels.
The first thing Castiel does is return to Heaven. I'm trying to imagine how the massacre up there went. Whether Raphael's followers tried to oppose Castiel, of if they just accepted their fate, if they tried to run, or if they asked for mercy. I honestly don't know. I think in his current state, Castiel would have killed them either way, and it breaks my heart. All those angels, all those wings burnt into the grass. Even though they were Raphael's followers trying to get the apocalypse back on track, most of them are probably just good little soldiers like Castiel used to be what feels so long ago. I don't think they deserved this, but I also can see my Castiel again even here. In a way he is still the faithful angel trying to do the right thing. Faithful not to God but to trying to make the world a better place. His Dad left him, and he now tries to do what he feels his Dad should have done. He tried free will, and it all went horribly wrong. So he can't believe in that any more, after it brought him more pain than anything else in his entire existence. In his currently confused mind, this is the right thing to do.
I believe that, under the right circumstances, Castiel would make a great god. And even though these are anything but the right circumstances, there are a lot of scenes during this episode where I want to point at my screen and say: See, this is why.
I like the new title card, by the way.
Dean's favourite therapeutic pastime: Fixing the Impala.
And I am still okay with Dean here. What happened is a lot to stomach. There isn't really much they can do to find Castiel if he doesn't want to be found. And even if they do find him, what are they supposed to do? I don't see this as giving up on Castiel. It's more taking a breath, before figuring out what it even is that happened here. I've spend enough time in denial to know what it looks like.
Back to Cas: Honestly, even though I don't approve of the smiting, I have to say that Castiel definitely picks the right kind of people, and for the right reasons. He doesn't only go after actions that may qualify as wrong, he goes after intentions, after close-mindedness and hate spread in God's, and therefore on his mind his, name.
"You are wrong. I am utterly indifferent to sexual orientation."
See what I mean? Castiel doesn't go bible camp Christian god on human kind. He goes "You suck, because you spread hate and you hurt other people" on them. I will never believe that someone deserves a death penalty. But if I did, people like this reverend would be pretty much on top of my list.
So even when he is a little ruthless, Castiel still has a very good sense of right and wrong, a sense of justice.
Another thing that stands out to me in that scene is that he punishes the reverend for being a hypocrite. And to Castiel's personal feelings, that might even be even worse than just doing wrong for, I think, obvious reasons. Which also proves that he still has feelings, even though he tries to bury them and is maybe not even aware of them at this point.
Before I watched the episode, and even more so after seeing the preview, I expected to be terrified not only for but also of Castiel. I knew that I would still love him, but you can love someone and be afraid of them at the same time. I find I'm really not. Even though I don't agree with everything Castiel does, I am actually a little in awe. So much that I almost wish that, as soon as he calms down a little, we could have kept Castiel the God. In this scene, I would bow down to him and mean it. Not only mean it as in I still love him and I want him to know that he is not alone, but actually mean it. As in accepting him as my god. I'd still want to make sure that he knows that he is not alone and loved, of course. I don't know if it is weird, but I fully trust him here.
Of course, it doesn't last, and the Leviathan start whispering to him and Castiel looks so confused. He has absolutely no idea what's happening. He looks scared. And he realises that he can't go to anyone for help. He mustn't show weakness to anyone including himself if he wants to keep this up. He looks at the picture in the window before it turns into an imagine of himself, and it almost looks like he is silently asking for help from his father. I think there is a moment where he feels that he can't do this, and that he really is just a lost, lonely angel. But then he remembers that his father has abandoned him, and left him with one impossible task after the other, and an entire world to clean up, and he pushes all the doubts aside. What else is he supposed to do? Oh, Cas.
Back at Bobby's, Sam is struggling with his hallucinations but doesn't tell anyone. And Dean stays in the beautiful land of denial. But more importantly, Sam want to talk to Cas, and Dean just says no. And then he puts all the blame on Cas, and just decides not only to give up on him, but to actively hate him.
"No more talk, we have spent enough on him."
Yeah, unlike Cas, who has never spent anything on you, or saved you countless times, to did whatever you asked of him.
Okay, Crowley's little trailer, with the "In God we trust" plate, and the angel proofing all over the place? Love it. Castiel, meanwhile, seems to have gone from righteous smiting to showing that he can also be a kind god who will not let innocent people suffer.
Crowley's face when Castiel appears is priceless. As is his face when Castiel tells him that he always knew where Crowley was, and even more so when Castiel informs Crowley that he doesn't plan on smiting him.
The arrangement with Crowley is so very Castiel. It makes perfect sense. Keep the cage, and hell, but under his conditions, and keep Crowley as the King of Hell because he knows what to expect with him. Very strategic decision, Cas, your old angelic nature is clearly showing. Crowley, of course, accepts. He is all about survival after all.
And with the way his hand looks, Castiel is in a dire need of keeping his position stable.
I wonder what was going on with that publishing house, that made Castiel blow up the entire thing. I'm sure not everyone in there was doing wrong. Maybe it was the Leviathan.
And then the boys and Bobby summon Crowley for help, and I just want to slap and scream at them all. I mean, seriously? Do I even have to type out why this is the most hypocritical thing in a very long history of hypocrisy? I think not.
So before I start ranting about this, lets just move on to the next rantworthy, and incredibly stupid thing: Binding Death to kill Castiel. Yeah... I can't even.
In the meantime, irredeemable, evil Castiel makes a blind man see. And his voice sounds so calm and kind when he does it, that I could just melt into it. Castiel is still as giving as he always was, and he is genuinely happy about how grateful this man is. After all, a little gratitude and respect was all he ever asked for.
His actions here are even more remarkable considering that Castiel is terrified at this point. His vessel is burning away, and the Leviathan get stronger and stronger. But Castiel is all alone, with no one to turn to, so he tries to make it all go away by ignoring it, and we all know that can only end badly.
After Dean binds him, Death appears, and he is BAMF as ever. And he is not amused. Neither am I when Dean tells Death that they need him to kill God. Not reap the souls out of him, not help them stop him. He (and Bobby, Sam is rather quiet) plain out ask Death to kill Castiel.
Castiel's behaviour is so different again when he turns up. It's an act. It's an act around Dean because Castiel will do anything at this point not to let Dean see how much the hunter can still hurt him. He even raises his hand for a finger snap, but honestly, I don't think he really meant to Dean. I think he would have made it another warning. Why am I so sure? Because his mask of total indifference will fall off very quickly, very soon.
Death is older than God, and he sees right through who and what Castiel is. A mutated angel, who will not be able to control the souls for much longer. He also tells us a little bit about what else is in there with Castiel. We learn about creatures created by God that are older than angels. The creatures Purgatory was created for in the first place. That explains why Castiel didn't know about them. I'm almost under the impression that Death is really trying to help Castiel.
Look how scared Castiel is when he learns the truth and cannot longer deny that he isn't fully in control anymore. He still refuses to believe it, he still pushes the doubts away, he still desperately wants to fix everything alone. After all there is no one willing to help him. But deep down he knows that Death is right.
Castiel is also still struggling with some serious Daddy issues. His father left, no one was there to take his place, to run this world. No one but him.
Of course Death is right. Castiel is not a selfless god. There are too many emotions swirling through him. He was briefly something close to at peace when he was actually "cleaning up". When he felt he had a purpose, and when there was something that felt like the right thing to do. But now, with knowing about the Leviathans and Dean trying to kill him, everything is falling into pieces once more. So Castiel throws out threats in his fear and pain. And once again I wish someone would stand up and tell him that he is not alone, that he is still loved. But everyone just keeps pushing him away, and trying to threaten him.
And then the very worst moment of the episode for me:
"Okay, call him what you want. Just kill him now."
I still... I can't believe Dean said that. Without hesitation, without any regret. Just like Castiel is any other monster, and waiting any longer is just a waste of time. And then Castiel turns around and looks at Dean with so much disbelieve and shock. There was a small glimmer of hope, some faith, left in him that Dean still cared, and in that moment it is shattered into pieces.
Death isn't really a threat to him, it turns out. Castiel simply releases him. And the whole time his eyes stay on Dean with a look that tries to tell Dean that the only reason he came was because he wanted to see some emotion on Dean's side. Anything. And Dean failed him again, and more than ever before.
And still he doesn't kill the boys - he could now, there is no one there to stop him - but just disappears.
And Death scares me with his tingling sense that he will reap someone soon.
Castiel goes back to business, and he seems a little wrathful when he stands in the doorway, but he sounds so small and broken when he asks to see the senator. His heart isn't really in it this time. He's just going through the motions, trying to get back the sense of control he had when he started. He even turns to humans, all but begging them to understand. He needs someone who believes in him, so desperately. He has reached his breaking point, and that is how the Leviathan can take over. And they are by far the most terrifying thing I have ever seen on this show. Misha should not be able to scare me that much (I mean, I already knew he can. I just didn't expect it to ever happen again).
Did anyone else notice that Death calls it Dean's mess?
I assume that Castiel fought the Leviathan and ended up unconscious but victorious for the moment. Why else would they give the control over his vessel back to him? Unless, of course, they just like to torture him for a bit.
Everyone in the campaign office is slaughtered, which is something Cas never wanted. And even though it wasn't him, Castiel blames himself for it, and all his ambitions of being the new god are gone that very instant. He is once again just an angel, powered up on souls, and with the worlds most terrifying creatures trying to take over. Castiel is barely able to hold them back. And no one is there to help him.
Until: Enter stage Sam, unwilling to give up on Cas, even after seeing the footage from the campaign office. Castiel who brought down his wall, and is therefore responsible for his hellish hallucinations. But Sam knows that he made some big mistakes, and that he has been forgiven, and saved. So Castiel deserves the same. Sam doesn't do it for the world, not primarily, he does it for Cas. So whether Dean likes it or not, Sam will at least try to call Cas and offer help. I am so, so unbelievably proud of Sammy. This is a big deal for him, but he just is that kind person, who will still believe that Castiel can be saved.
This is exactly why I used to be a Sam!girl for more than 4 seasons - until a certain trench coat wearing angel came along and stole me away. In the last year or so, I grew rather indifferent towards Sam, to be honest. Thank you for reminding me why I used to love him, Show. And thank you, Sam, for not giving up, and for making me cry by being the kind and caring person that you are towards my angel, when, more than everyone, you actually have the right to be cross with him. I can hardly tell you how much this means to me. I never truly acknowledged Sam as a real friend to Castiel. I do now. I'm sorry for doubting you in the past, Sammy.
And this was everything Castiel wanted, and needed. Someone who still believes in him. He turns up just a short while later, and asks for help. I'm not sure people understand how big of a deal that is. Castiel was convinced that he is God, he thought he had everything under control. And when he realised he didn't he also realised how much he has messed up. And now he is going back, admitting that he needs help from Sam and Dean, the people who pushed him away, and the people he had by now pushed away in response. The people who were right there when he messed up. It must be frightening, humiliating, and impossibly painful to admit it to them, to even look them in the eyes. But he doesn't hide away any more. This little bit of trust Sam gave him, was enough for him to be brave and strong enough to face this.
And then Castiel sits there in the lab, not even able to do anything but hold on long enough for the boys to perform the ritual. He is pretty much helpless. He has no doubt that he is about to die. He just waits for the moment when he will sacrifice himself to fix what he still can. He knows that it won't be enough, that it won't undo what he did, or what the creatures he freed did, but he is offering everything he has ot offer.
And then he turns to Dean:
"I feel regret, about you and what I did to Sam.
If there was time and I felt strong enough I'd fix him now. I just wanted to make amends before I die."
He doesn't even ask Dean to forgive him right there and then. The only thing he asks is for Dean consider forgiving him some day. But Dean doesn't give him even that. I guess he is too hurt, but Castiel is dying here, and I wonder if a little bit of comfort is really asking too much.
When Dean tells Castiel that what Castiel just said doesn't make him feel better one bit, Castiel has to turn away and close his eyes because it is so painful to know that he may have screwed up too much to ever be forgiven by Dean. And I just... why can't I crawl into my tv and hug Cas?
After that, Castiel is hardly even there any more. He looks like he has completely given up. He will still do the ritual to save the boys, and the world. And because it means that it is finally all over, and he won't have to live with what he or the Leviathan inside him have done any more. But he has given up on himself.
At least Bobby has some somewhat kind words for him, but I'm not sure that Cas can even hear him. He just lets himself be dragged in front of the sigil like a lifeless puppet. And when he falls down, because he can't even hold himself upright any more, I wish I could believe that Dean rushes to his side because it's Cas. But mainly I think he don't wants to risk the ritual going wrong. He just rushes forward, drags Cas back to his feet, holds his hand out for one moment to make sure he will stay on his feet, and then moves away from him again just as quickly.
But just before Purgatory opens, Castiel finds one last moment of strength to tell Dean that he is sorry. And again, he doesn't expect or ask for forgiveness. He just needs Dean to know, and he won't have another chance to say it.
Then the souls are gone, and Cas lies on the floor, cold, and lifeless, and not breathing. Believe me when I tell you I was so very glad that I knew that Misha will be in next weeks episode. I was 99.9% sure that Castiel wasn't really dead. Those 0.01% were bad enough.
And for the first time in forever, I get the impression that Dean actually cares. And even though I was almost sure that Cas was going to wake up any moment, the thought that Dean might show emotions about Cas again too late for Castiel to see it, too late for Cas to know that Dean still does care about him, that was almost too much to bear.
And then the miracle happens, and the vessels heals and Castiel wakes up, fully himself again. I think everyone who has watched 6 seasons of this show knew that this was too good to be true. Not in this universe. But for one moment, we have our angel back, tired, saying things that are just so Castiel that it hurts, and with a heartfelt thank you to both Dean and Bobby.
Castiel still has every right to hold a grudge against them, but he doesn't. He is not trying to hide it or forget about it, he just plain and simply doesn't. He is Castiel, after all. He loves unconditionally, and he loves Dean (and Sam and Bobby), and they helped him, and that is all he ever needs.
"I'm ashamed. I overreached. I'll find some way to redeem myself to you. I mean it, Dean."
My brave angel. I don't think I ever loved you more, and was more proud of you, than in this moment. He already knows that he won't be leaving with them. The Leviathan are still there. It may look like they succeeded but they didn't. The plan failed. And with the souls gone, Castiel now has only his own angelic powers left to fight this ancient evil. So with the last strength he has left, he pushes Dean and Bobby away and tells them to leave before he is overpowered by these creatures that are so much older and more powerful than him.
And then the Leviathan take control, and I hate them. I hate them like I never hated anything before in my life. I can't believe that Misha can make me hate something he plays so much. I'm also very sure that they will give me nightmares.
It hurts like hell to see them use Castiel's form (okay, Jimmy's, technically, but I've known this body as belonging to Castiel for so much longer). They look like someone that I love so much. But they are not Castiel. At all. And I don't know if I'm more terrified or more glad by the fact that Misha once again manages to play a completely different character.
But the most important part here is, that I don't believe them for one second that Castiel is dead. I have believed in my angel through it all, I won't stop now. Castiel is in there. And he will fight, and he won't give up. And if anyone can make it through something like this - with a little help from Balthazar in there with him, and a little help from Sam, Dean and Bobby on the outside - then it is my stubborn, brave, kind, and faithful little angel who could.
I believe in you, Cas. I know that you can do it. We just got you back, and I will not lose you again.
Let's start with the main reason why I loved the episode: Other than last year's premiere, it had me hold my breath through pretty much all of it. And it left me with so many thoughts and feelings that I don't even know where to begin.
And other than last season's finale, while some things made me angry, they did not make me angry for bad or lazy writing, they had me angry within the story.
A warning right here: This review may not end up being too kind on Dean, but I'll try to keep the negativity to a minimum.
Another important note: My current love for this episode depends largely on the next episode. It depends on Castiel still being in there somewhere, and fighting his way back. I it never even crossed my mind that Castiel may really be dead until I went on tumblr. If what we saw today was Castiel's death scene, then by this time next week, I will probably hate this episode as much as I love it now. But I'm tired of worrying about things that may or may not happen. I did this all summer. So for the next week - or at least until my fear for Castiel overrules everything else again - I will assume that they do not really let it end that way. The next episode was written by Ben Edlund after all.
It also helps a lot that I can still easily keep my headcanon alive, of Balthazar's grace still being with Castiel. In my head, Balthazar is currently fighting the Leviathan for control at Castiel's side.
On to the episode then. Like always, I will concentrate mainly on Castiel. I have so much going through my head that it would be completely impossible to go into everything.
I had already seen the first two minutes of the episodes, so I was prepared for them. There is a moment of Castiel being himself when he tells Sam and Dean to stop and that their bowing isn't worth anything. The rest doesn't feel quite like Castiel. I don't feel it as strongly any more as I did when I saw the scene for the first time. Probably because I have a totally different creature to compare it to now. But it still feels slightly off, even for a souled up Castiel. Then again, he is freshly souled up, and bitter, so I think maybe it is just Castiel in the heat of the moment, with a small first Leviathan influence. That influence is very clearly there in the smile when he talks about them being his favourite pets.
So, yes, I think the Leviathan are influencing Castiel from the start of the episode, but most of what we see in the next 35 minutes or so is still mainly Castiel.
The last thing he says before leaving is that he hopes that this is the last they seem him. Castiel knows that bond between him and Dean is broken. If Dean ever comes for him again, it will be in an attempt to kill him, and then Castiel will find himself forced to defend himself. There was a time when he would have died rather than hurt Dean, but Dean's lack of trust has cut so deep, that he won't any more. I think much of what we see here, is Castiel distancing himself from Dean (and Sam and Bobby) the same way Dean has spent the last episodes, and will continue, trying to distance himself from Castiel. But not only that, Castiel is also distancing himself from all emotions, like the ones connected with Bathazar. He has thousands of years of practise doing that, so he is probably pretty good at fooling himself. The main problem is that the angel Castiel never felt the same anger and pain the new god Castiel feels.
The first thing Castiel does is return to Heaven. I'm trying to imagine how the massacre up there went. Whether Raphael's followers tried to oppose Castiel, of if they just accepted their fate, if they tried to run, or if they asked for mercy. I honestly don't know. I think in his current state, Castiel would have killed them either way, and it breaks my heart. All those angels, all those wings burnt into the grass. Even though they were Raphael's followers trying to get the apocalypse back on track, most of them are probably just good little soldiers like Castiel used to be what feels so long ago. I don't think they deserved this, but I also can see my Castiel again even here. In a way he is still the faithful angel trying to do the right thing. Faithful not to God but to trying to make the world a better place. His Dad left him, and he now tries to do what he feels his Dad should have done. He tried free will, and it all went horribly wrong. So he can't believe in that any more, after it brought him more pain than anything else in his entire existence. In his currently confused mind, this is the right thing to do.
I believe that, under the right circumstances, Castiel would make a great god. And even though these are anything but the right circumstances, there are a lot of scenes during this episode where I want to point at my screen and say: See, this is why.
I like the new title card, by the way.
Dean's favourite therapeutic pastime: Fixing the Impala.
And I am still okay with Dean here. What happened is a lot to stomach. There isn't really much they can do to find Castiel if he doesn't want to be found. And even if they do find him, what are they supposed to do? I don't see this as giving up on Castiel. It's more taking a breath, before figuring out what it even is that happened here. I've spend enough time in denial to know what it looks like.
Back to Cas: Honestly, even though I don't approve of the smiting, I have to say that Castiel definitely picks the right kind of people, and for the right reasons. He doesn't only go after actions that may qualify as wrong, he goes after intentions, after close-mindedness and hate spread in God's, and therefore on his mind his, name.
"You are wrong. I am utterly indifferent to sexual orientation."
See what I mean? Castiel doesn't go bible camp Christian god on human kind. He goes "You suck, because you spread hate and you hurt other people" on them. I will never believe that someone deserves a death penalty. But if I did, people like this reverend would be pretty much on top of my list.
So even when he is a little ruthless, Castiel still has a very good sense of right and wrong, a sense of justice.
Another thing that stands out to me in that scene is that he punishes the reverend for being a hypocrite. And to Castiel's personal feelings, that might even be even worse than just doing wrong for, I think, obvious reasons. Which also proves that he still has feelings, even though he tries to bury them and is maybe not even aware of them at this point.
Before I watched the episode, and even more so after seeing the preview, I expected to be terrified not only for but also of Castiel. I knew that I would still love him, but you can love someone and be afraid of them at the same time. I find I'm really not. Even though I don't agree with everything Castiel does, I am actually a little in awe. So much that I almost wish that, as soon as he calms down a little, we could have kept Castiel the God. In this scene, I would bow down to him and mean it. Not only mean it as in I still love him and I want him to know that he is not alone, but actually mean it. As in accepting him as my god. I'd still want to make sure that he knows that he is not alone and loved, of course. I don't know if it is weird, but I fully trust him here.
Of course, it doesn't last, and the Leviathan start whispering to him and Castiel looks so confused. He has absolutely no idea what's happening. He looks scared. And he realises that he can't go to anyone for help. He mustn't show weakness to anyone including himself if he wants to keep this up. He looks at the picture in the window before it turns into an imagine of himself, and it almost looks like he is silently asking for help from his father. I think there is a moment where he feels that he can't do this, and that he really is just a lost, lonely angel. But then he remembers that his father has abandoned him, and left him with one impossible task after the other, and an entire world to clean up, and he pushes all the doubts aside. What else is he supposed to do? Oh, Cas.
Back at Bobby's, Sam is struggling with his hallucinations but doesn't tell anyone. And Dean stays in the beautiful land of denial. But more importantly, Sam want to talk to Cas, and Dean just says no. And then he puts all the blame on Cas, and just decides not only to give up on him, but to actively hate him.
"No more talk, we have spent enough on him."
Yeah, unlike Cas, who has never spent anything on you, or saved you countless times, to did whatever you asked of him.
Okay, Crowley's little trailer, with the "In God we trust" plate, and the angel proofing all over the place? Love it. Castiel, meanwhile, seems to have gone from righteous smiting to showing that he can also be a kind god who will not let innocent people suffer.
Crowley's face when Castiel appears is priceless. As is his face when Castiel tells him that he always knew where Crowley was, and even more so when Castiel informs Crowley that he doesn't plan on smiting him.
The arrangement with Crowley is so very Castiel. It makes perfect sense. Keep the cage, and hell, but under his conditions, and keep Crowley as the King of Hell because he knows what to expect with him. Very strategic decision, Cas, your old angelic nature is clearly showing. Crowley, of course, accepts. He is all about survival after all.
And with the way his hand looks, Castiel is in a dire need of keeping his position stable.
I wonder what was going on with that publishing house, that made Castiel blow up the entire thing. I'm sure not everyone in there was doing wrong. Maybe it was the Leviathan.
And then the boys and Bobby summon Crowley for help, and I just want to slap and scream at them all. I mean, seriously? Do I even have to type out why this is the most hypocritical thing in a very long history of hypocrisy? I think not.
So before I start ranting about this, lets just move on to the next rantworthy, and incredibly stupid thing: Binding Death to kill Castiel. Yeah... I can't even.
In the meantime, irredeemable, evil Castiel makes a blind man see. And his voice sounds so calm and kind when he does it, that I could just melt into it. Castiel is still as giving as he always was, and he is genuinely happy about how grateful this man is. After all, a little gratitude and respect was all he ever asked for.
His actions here are even more remarkable considering that Castiel is terrified at this point. His vessel is burning away, and the Leviathan get stronger and stronger. But Castiel is all alone, with no one to turn to, so he tries to make it all go away by ignoring it, and we all know that can only end badly.
After Dean binds him, Death appears, and he is BAMF as ever. And he is not amused. Neither am I when Dean tells Death that they need him to kill God. Not reap the souls out of him, not help them stop him. He (and Bobby, Sam is rather quiet) plain out ask Death to kill Castiel.
Castiel's behaviour is so different again when he turns up. It's an act. It's an act around Dean because Castiel will do anything at this point not to let Dean see how much the hunter can still hurt him. He even raises his hand for a finger snap, but honestly, I don't think he really meant to Dean. I think he would have made it another warning. Why am I so sure? Because his mask of total indifference will fall off very quickly, very soon.
Death is older than God, and he sees right through who and what Castiel is. A mutated angel, who will not be able to control the souls for much longer. He also tells us a little bit about what else is in there with Castiel. We learn about creatures created by God that are older than angels. The creatures Purgatory was created for in the first place. That explains why Castiel didn't know about them. I'm almost under the impression that Death is really trying to help Castiel.
Look how scared Castiel is when he learns the truth and cannot longer deny that he isn't fully in control anymore. He still refuses to believe it, he still pushes the doubts away, he still desperately wants to fix everything alone. After all there is no one willing to help him. But deep down he knows that Death is right.
Castiel is also still struggling with some serious Daddy issues. His father left, no one was there to take his place, to run this world. No one but him.
Of course Death is right. Castiel is not a selfless god. There are too many emotions swirling through him. He was briefly something close to at peace when he was actually "cleaning up". When he felt he had a purpose, and when there was something that felt like the right thing to do. But now, with knowing about the Leviathans and Dean trying to kill him, everything is falling into pieces once more. So Castiel throws out threats in his fear and pain. And once again I wish someone would stand up and tell him that he is not alone, that he is still loved. But everyone just keeps pushing him away, and trying to threaten him.
And then the very worst moment of the episode for me:
"Okay, call him what you want. Just kill him now."
I still... I can't believe Dean said that. Without hesitation, without any regret. Just like Castiel is any other monster, and waiting any longer is just a waste of time. And then Castiel turns around and looks at Dean with so much disbelieve and shock. There was a small glimmer of hope, some faith, left in him that Dean still cared, and in that moment it is shattered into pieces.
Death isn't really a threat to him, it turns out. Castiel simply releases him. And the whole time his eyes stay on Dean with a look that tries to tell Dean that the only reason he came was because he wanted to see some emotion on Dean's side. Anything. And Dean failed him again, and more than ever before.
And still he doesn't kill the boys - he could now, there is no one there to stop him - but just disappears.
And Death scares me with his tingling sense that he will reap someone soon.
Castiel goes back to business, and he seems a little wrathful when he stands in the doorway, but he sounds so small and broken when he asks to see the senator. His heart isn't really in it this time. He's just going through the motions, trying to get back the sense of control he had when he started. He even turns to humans, all but begging them to understand. He needs someone who believes in him, so desperately. He has reached his breaking point, and that is how the Leviathan can take over. And they are by far the most terrifying thing I have ever seen on this show. Misha should not be able to scare me that much (I mean, I already knew he can. I just didn't expect it to ever happen again).
Did anyone else notice that Death calls it Dean's mess?
I assume that Castiel fought the Leviathan and ended up unconscious but victorious for the moment. Why else would they give the control over his vessel back to him? Unless, of course, they just like to torture him for a bit.
Everyone in the campaign office is slaughtered, which is something Cas never wanted. And even though it wasn't him, Castiel blames himself for it, and all his ambitions of being the new god are gone that very instant. He is once again just an angel, powered up on souls, and with the worlds most terrifying creatures trying to take over. Castiel is barely able to hold them back. And no one is there to help him.
Until: Enter stage Sam, unwilling to give up on Cas, even after seeing the footage from the campaign office. Castiel who brought down his wall, and is therefore responsible for his hellish hallucinations. But Sam knows that he made some big mistakes, and that he has been forgiven, and saved. So Castiel deserves the same. Sam doesn't do it for the world, not primarily, he does it for Cas. So whether Dean likes it or not, Sam will at least try to call Cas and offer help. I am so, so unbelievably proud of Sammy. This is a big deal for him, but he just is that kind person, who will still believe that Castiel can be saved.
This is exactly why I used to be a Sam!girl for more than 4 seasons - until a certain trench coat wearing angel came along and stole me away. In the last year or so, I grew rather indifferent towards Sam, to be honest. Thank you for reminding me why I used to love him, Show. And thank you, Sam, for not giving up, and for making me cry by being the kind and caring person that you are towards my angel, when, more than everyone, you actually have the right to be cross with him. I can hardly tell you how much this means to me. I never truly acknowledged Sam as a real friend to Castiel. I do now. I'm sorry for doubting you in the past, Sammy.
And this was everything Castiel wanted, and needed. Someone who still believes in him. He turns up just a short while later, and asks for help. I'm not sure people understand how big of a deal that is. Castiel was convinced that he is God, he thought he had everything under control. And when he realised he didn't he also realised how much he has messed up. And now he is going back, admitting that he needs help from Sam and Dean, the people who pushed him away, and the people he had by now pushed away in response. The people who were right there when he messed up. It must be frightening, humiliating, and impossibly painful to admit it to them, to even look them in the eyes. But he doesn't hide away any more. This little bit of trust Sam gave him, was enough for him to be brave and strong enough to face this.
And then Castiel sits there in the lab, not even able to do anything but hold on long enough for the boys to perform the ritual. He is pretty much helpless. He has no doubt that he is about to die. He just waits for the moment when he will sacrifice himself to fix what he still can. He knows that it won't be enough, that it won't undo what he did, or what the creatures he freed did, but he is offering everything he has ot offer.
And then he turns to Dean:
"I feel regret, about you and what I did to Sam.
If there was time and I felt strong enough I'd fix him now. I just wanted to make amends before I die."
He doesn't even ask Dean to forgive him right there and then. The only thing he asks is for Dean consider forgiving him some day. But Dean doesn't give him even that. I guess he is too hurt, but Castiel is dying here, and I wonder if a little bit of comfort is really asking too much.
When Dean tells Castiel that what Castiel just said doesn't make him feel better one bit, Castiel has to turn away and close his eyes because it is so painful to know that he may have screwed up too much to ever be forgiven by Dean. And I just... why can't I crawl into my tv and hug Cas?
After that, Castiel is hardly even there any more. He looks like he has completely given up. He will still do the ritual to save the boys, and the world. And because it means that it is finally all over, and he won't have to live with what he or the Leviathan inside him have done any more. But he has given up on himself.
At least Bobby has some somewhat kind words for him, but I'm not sure that Cas can even hear him. He just lets himself be dragged in front of the sigil like a lifeless puppet. And when he falls down, because he can't even hold himself upright any more, I wish I could believe that Dean rushes to his side because it's Cas. But mainly I think he don't wants to risk the ritual going wrong. He just rushes forward, drags Cas back to his feet, holds his hand out for one moment to make sure he will stay on his feet, and then moves away from him again just as quickly.
But just before Purgatory opens, Castiel finds one last moment of strength to tell Dean that he is sorry. And again, he doesn't expect or ask for forgiveness. He just needs Dean to know, and he won't have another chance to say it.
Then the souls are gone, and Cas lies on the floor, cold, and lifeless, and not breathing. Believe me when I tell you I was so very glad that I knew that Misha will be in next weeks episode. I was 99.9% sure that Castiel wasn't really dead. Those 0.01% were bad enough.
And for the first time in forever, I get the impression that Dean actually cares. And even though I was almost sure that Cas was going to wake up any moment, the thought that Dean might show emotions about Cas again too late for Castiel to see it, too late for Cas to know that Dean still does care about him, that was almost too much to bear.
And then the miracle happens, and the vessels heals and Castiel wakes up, fully himself again. I think everyone who has watched 6 seasons of this show knew that this was too good to be true. Not in this universe. But for one moment, we have our angel back, tired, saying things that are just so Castiel that it hurts, and with a heartfelt thank you to both Dean and Bobby.
Castiel still has every right to hold a grudge against them, but he doesn't. He is not trying to hide it or forget about it, he just plain and simply doesn't. He is Castiel, after all. He loves unconditionally, and he loves Dean (and Sam and Bobby), and they helped him, and that is all he ever needs.
"I'm ashamed. I overreached. I'll find some way to redeem myself to you. I mean it, Dean."
My brave angel. I don't think I ever loved you more, and was more proud of you, than in this moment. He already knows that he won't be leaving with them. The Leviathan are still there. It may look like they succeeded but they didn't. The plan failed. And with the souls gone, Castiel now has only his own angelic powers left to fight this ancient evil. So with the last strength he has left, he pushes Dean and Bobby away and tells them to leave before he is overpowered by these creatures that are so much older and more powerful than him.
And then the Leviathan take control, and I hate them. I hate them like I never hated anything before in my life. I can't believe that Misha can make me hate something he plays so much. I'm also very sure that they will give me nightmares.
It hurts like hell to see them use Castiel's form (okay, Jimmy's, technically, but I've known this body as belonging to Castiel for so much longer). They look like someone that I love so much. But they are not Castiel. At all. And I don't know if I'm more terrified or more glad by the fact that Misha once again manages to play a completely different character.
But the most important part here is, that I don't believe them for one second that Castiel is dead. I have believed in my angel through it all, I won't stop now. Castiel is in there. And he will fight, and he won't give up. And if anyone can make it through something like this - with a little help from Balthazar in there with him, and a little help from Sam, Dean and Bobby on the outside - then it is my stubborn, brave, kind, and faithful little angel who could.
I believe in you, Cas. I know that you can do it. We just got you back, and I will not lose you again.
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Date: 2011-09-25 08:10 am (UTC)I admire your faith in Balthazar, but I honestly can't imagine him being there. Even if he had been before, he would have probably not been able to hold on when they released the other souls... Or the Leviathan gobbled him up.
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Date: 2011-09-25 11:12 am (UTC)I have a feeling that writing this was what kept me sane yesterday. By now I am pretty much fully back in the same state I was in pre-season 7. Just, like you say, it's kinda worse.
And damn, I want those Leviathan out of Castiel too, because while I agree that it is a very impressive new Big Bad, having it run around with Castiel's/Jimmy's/Misha's face may be more than I can take.
Seriously, sometimes I feel like this show is constantly pushing my boundaries to see how long it will take before I really break.
Castiel and Balthazar are my OTP to end all OTPs. When it comes to Castiel I have all the faith in the world in Balthazar. And being able to believe that Castiel isn't entirely alone right now, makes things a tiny little bit easier.
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Date: 2011-09-25 09:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-25 11:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-25 06:36 pm (UTC)"Okay, call him what you want. Just kill him now."
I still... I can't believe Dean said that. Without hesitation, without any regret. Just like Castiel is any other monster, and waiting any longer is just a waste of time. And then Castiel turns around and looks at Dean with so much disbelieve and shock. There was a small glimmer of hope, some faith, left in him that Dean still cared, and in that moment it is shattered into pieces.
Death isn't really a threat to him, it turns out. Castiel simply releases him. And the whole time his eyes stay on Dean with a look that tries to tell Dean that the only reason he came was because he wanted to see some emotion on Dean's side. Anything. And Dean failed him again, and more than ever before.
If it helps at all, it was the worst moment in the episode for me as well and I agree 100% with your reading of it. Dean sees Cas as a monster here and that's it and that KILLS ME, not just because of how much it must hurt Cas, but because I EXPECTED BETTER from Dean.
I've got a review up now that explains my understanding of Dean's attitude this episode though, so I won't go into it here. Needless to say, of course, I DO understand it :p
About Sam being the one to believe in Cas - I loved Sam for it too but I kinda... it makes sense to me that Sam would be the one to do this and NOT Dean. Dean, whether he knows it or not, loves Cas (at the very least in a platonic way) to the point where all he can see from a confrontation with him at that stage is hurt. So he's a coward and runs away instead. Sam is NOT so invested and more importantly he UNDERSTANDS what Cas is going through because he's gone down that same road himself. Dean, while he's forgiven Sam for Ruby etc. obviously still doesn't understand the reasoning behind Sam's choices back then and therefore can't understand or accept Castiel's similar choices either. Idiot idiot idiot.
I wish I could believe that Dean rushes to his side because it's Cas. But mainly I think he don't wants to risk the ritual going wrong. He just rushes forward, drags Cas back to his feet, holds his hand out for one moment to make sure he will stay on his feet, and then moves away from him again just as quickly.
*sigh* I know... but the moment is way way open to interpretation since it's never gonna be made concrete either way, so I will read what I want from it damnit. Even if Dean wanted to stay near Cas longer the ritual might have necessitated he stand back... Also, I kinda think Dean never really believed Cas was gonna die until he was faced with his corpse, so he could have been thinking he had time to be gentle and caring later...
I'm not reading your next post that speculates over spoilers and Cas maybe being 100% dead. I am employing some Dean Winchester level denial - no, that's no possible, no way (also, I kinda, maybe think I really love Leviathan... ooops :p)
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Date: 2011-09-25 07:32 pm (UTC)My other post does 100% assume that Cas is still alive, but it's okay if you decide not to read it, of course.
also, I kinda, maybe think I really love Leviathan... ooops :p
Okay, I have to go into that because I have seen so many people say pretty much the same thing, and it makes me feel a little alone.
Like I said in my post, I hate the Leviathan (and I do NOT use that word losely). But not only that, they almost literally make me flinch whenever I see them mentioned. I had to go off tumblr yesterday to avoid the gifs.
I mean, kudos to Misha, absolutely. But I am actually terrified, in a way that almost exceeds my feelings after watching Karla (and those were largly influenced by knowing it was a real story). So with everyone seemingly excited about them, I'm starting to worry why I feel so differently.
Sorry, I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. It doesn't really have much to do with your comment. I should probably get off the internet while I'm so emotional.
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Date: 2011-09-25 10:54 pm (UTC)Funny you should mention Karla. I haven't seen it but my first reaction on Misha's final line was 'oooh, is that how he played the guy in Karla then?'
Anyway, sorry you feel alone :( Don't worry about feeling how you feel, we can't all have the same reactions to things!
I think what it is, for me at least, is that while I love getting lost in a story (TV or written), there is always a part of me that is distanced from it as well, that KNOWS it's a narrative. Hence why I can love angst in stories, but hate seeing pain and suffering in RL - I know no one is really being hurt in a story and can therefore enjoy the catharsis of being emotionally hurt or shocked by the fictional events without having to worry about anyone involved ACTUALLY dying/being tortured/whatever.
Ergo, with Leviathan, while the part of me that is lost in the story is creeped out for Cas, the other part of me LOVES Misha and is excited to see him in another role, especially since what we've seen of Leviathan so far seems very much like Misha at his craziest to me. So it's like, I no longer have to go to conventions to see this guy I love in action, he'll be on my TV now as well, and that's winning out over everything else :p
Who knows, maybe it's a coping mechanism - we're all distancing ourselves so we DON'T ever take Leviathan as real.
And to be fair, this is unprecidented for me. I've NEVER liked an actor equally as much as their character before. Never even CARED about actors before, actually, until Misha. So... weird.
Anyway, it seems to me that when it comes to SPN the story is much more 'real' for you. Not that I'm saying you don't appreciate the technical side of things like writing and acting and direction as well, of course, you're just more invested in the narrative.
I'm sure you can't be the only one to watch TV this way! It just happens that the most vocal of the fandom aren't at the moment.
I know what it's like to hold a minority opinion (I LIKE RUBY 2.0 DAMN IT!), so I know how easy it is to feel like your opinion is somehow invalidated simply because so few others seem to hold it. And if this were politics or ethics or something that might effect the running of a country or the way we treat other people then it might do to re-think yourself, but it's not, it's just the way you FEEL about a TV show. We can't control our feelings (though certain fictional hunters might try :p) and we're all entitled to watch TV however we like. So if you hate Leviathan - don't worry about it. Tbh, I think we're kinda supposed to... you're probably the one having the 'correct' response!
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Date: 2011-09-26 06:30 am (UTC)Not at all, actually. They were both played by Misha, and they both creep me out. But that's about it.
It's Misha we're talking about. Since when does he play two characters even remotely the same way? ;)
I know what it's like to hold a minority opinion (I LIKE RUBY 2.0 DAMN IT!),
Haha, yeah. Try Castiel/Balthazar in a Dean/Castiel world. But they are my happy place, so I don't really care to be honest.
I'll pm you about the rest.
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Date: 2013-11-02 07:05 pm (UTC)Just wanted to say a couple of things...
First, that I, too, was very, very, very proud of Sam for calling Cas despite Dean telling him not to. Was quite sad and disappointed that it wasn't Dean who called Cas. But anyway, very proud of and thankful to Sam.
[I guess it's Dean's problem (I suppose it's his coping mechanism) that he puts up this brave(?) front and pretends to be a rock. And it's a problem because it isn't exactly healthy most of the time. I guess he developed it growing up because starting at a very young age, he had to be the adult looking after his brother so he had to be strong and all that but... it gets a bit overboard. For example, demanding that Sam be open to him about hallucinations he's having but then he himself refuses to talk about his issues and keeps it all to himself. He's not exactly big on following his own advice. Also, he has this self-righteous streak that (for example) results in him pushing away Cas when Cas needed him most... (blah blah blah end rant here) - Sorry about that. This wasn't part of the couple of things. =P Moving on...]
Second, I kind of laughed when you said you used to be a Sam!girl for 4 seasons 'until a certain trench coat wearing angel came along and stole me away'. Hahaha! I could probably say the same for myself. Although, I had my eye on Dean. But, yeah, definitely. When this particular trench coat wearing angel came along, he caught my attention and I pretty much forget about the other one. Lol! =P
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Date: 2013-11-05 08:32 am (UTC)[Not really going to go into Dean's self-righteousness, especially considering you say you started out as a Dean!girl, because I really don't have a lot of good things to say about Dean these days, to be perfectly honest.]
But yes, Cas tends to steal people's attention, doesn't he? He is just such a fantastic character.
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Date: 2013-11-05 01:50 pm (UTC)And no worries. I'm really not liking Dean so much nowadays either. =\