All the Awards!

[gwaevalarin]

First of all: Can we get Misha an award already? Emmy? Oscar? Every award ever?
I knew he was good, but this... I mean... I'm completely lost for words. I officially declare Misha Collins the best actor to ever have graced my screen. Just wow!

Second of all: I expected a lot of things when going into this episode. I did not expect this.
I did not end up a sobbing mess, even though there were quite a few gasps and tears, not gonna lie. I did not end up raging and screaming and throwing things at my screen.
Quite the contrary. This episode was pretty much perfect. If the storyline as a whole works, will have to be seen next week. But for now, Show and I are good again.
I feel infinitely better about things now. And at the same time infinitely worse and more worried. But in the right way. I think.

A few more thought before I go and read everyone else's reaction - and possibly write a proper review later this weekend:

"Special Guest Star: Misha Collins" stung. Badly. So badly that it brought tears to my eyes. It was probably worse than had he just been "Guest Star". Because in my experience a "Special Guest Star" is someone who used to be on a show, but is gone for good, and just returning for an episode or two. I still hold some hope it won't be in this case, but barely.

Yes, the smiting was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. But Castiel was new to these powers, and the new position he honestly thought was his, so I can forgive him. But that aside, he was still Castiel. Trying to do the right thing, even if he didn't always succeed. He went for the best possible strategies, by keeping hell, and the cage, and Crowley - the devil he knows - as king of hell. And he seemed to be slightly losing the arrogant god-ness as time went on, and start looking at it as a job instead. He also still did want to be loved. As wrathful as he was in other scenes, there was true and honest kindness when he healed the blind man. He was grateful even.
And more importantly, the "I an indifferent to sexual orientation" wasn't just fanservice. Castiel did care about people's true intentions. And even if he never really was God, if I compare him to how the Christan god often comes across for me (as a non Christian) he was better than his father when he was still around.
I think what I'm trying to say is: After the sneak peek, I was prepared to actually be scared of Cas in this episode. And I wasn't. He was lost and high on power, but he was still Cas. And to be honest? I would have bowed to him and meant it.

The angel wings in Heaven stung. One, because seeing burnt angel wings will always hurt, and two, because nameless followers of Raphael got them, and Balthazar didn't. No, I still can't get over that. I still hope that it will mean something in one way or another.

I'm sorry to say it, but I was so pissed with Dean all through the episode up to the point when Cas came to them for help. I get that he was hurt. And honestly, at first I thought that the reason he decided not to do anything about the situation was because he didn't know how to face Cas. Didn't think he could save him, coudn't bear the thought of killing him.

But then they actually went to Crowley for help. Granted, it wasn't a deal, exactly, but they still asked him for help, and trusted him when he gave them the spell to bind Death. And how even Dean cannot see that this is beyond hypocritical, I honestly don't know.

But even worse when Dean just decided that they had to kill Cas. Not one spare thought on how to get the souls out of him. Not even when Cas stood right before him. When he told Death to "just kill him already"... I'm not sure I'll be able to forgive Dean that for a long time.

Sam, on the other hand. Oh, Sammy! Let me hug you! He is busy trying to keep upright at all, and still he is the one who doesn't give up on Castiel. The one who goes outside, and prays to him in an attempt to help and save him. He was the one to say, that Cas is still somewhere in there, and indicating that he is still their friend that that they owe him to try to save him.
Bobby seemed surprisingly forgiving too.

And Death? Death is still a BAMF, and awesome. But I don't like his talk about that tingling sense that he will reap someone soon. I still hope the writers are only messing with us.

And then Castiel's struggle, when the Leviathans really started to take over. The moment they did in that campaign office you could sp clearly see that wasn't Cas at all any more (again, kudos to Misha). The shock in Castiel's eyes when he woke up broke my heart, and I just wanted to remind him that it wasn't him who had done that. And that it wasn't his fault. After all, he didn't know about the Leviathans before Death told him, did he?

This was, however, the moment he realised, that Death was right, that he wasn't God, and that he couldn't control what's inside him. And he did the only right thing to do. He answered Sam's call and asked for help. And that must have been painful and humiliating, but he still did it. Other than Dean, it seems Castiel learns from his past mistakes.

You know, thinking about it now, returning the soul to Purgatory was possibly a mistake. They didn't know that the Leviathans would be left behind, and the souls would probably have burned through Castiel's vessel in no time - I'm assuming that the burns were from the souls, since they disappeared the moment they were gone - so it wasn't a mistake they could have avoided. But without the soul, Castiel was too weak to fight the Leviathans any more.

Castiel all broken and "fully" himself again broke my heart. He never asked Dean to forgive him right there and then. He only asked for a chance to redeem himself. He promised to do whatever it takes to make things up the best he can, even though he isn't sure that Dean will ever really forgive him. And even though Dean's words claimed that it didn't make him feel better, their looks clearly communicated that Dean will at least think about giving Cas another chance, and that he does still care, after all. And I'm so, so glad about that.
And then Castiel turning around once more to say "I'm sorry." He knew it wouldn't change anything but he still needed to say it, simply because it's the truth.

When Cas broke down during the ritual, and Dean went to him to help him up again, I honestly expected Dean to stay and hold Cas upright through the rest of the ritual. I understand that you probably don't want to be anywhere near the souls when they all return at once. But I was still a little disappointed by the way Dean seemed to try to get away from Cas again as fast as possible.
Again, I get that Dean is hurt, but couldn't he put that aside for a moment, after Castiel had hinted that he fully expected to die during this ritual?
So for all they knew, this was Castiel's final moment. This was Castiel sacrificing himself to fix as much as he still could. I think he deserved a little comfort here, even if Dean really did hate him - which I don't think he does.

I knew that Misha will be in the next episode, and Castiel's "death" was too obviously not final. Plus, he is still an angel, and assuming that his grace didn't end up in Purgatory with the souls, I didn't see it leave him. So I knew he was still alive. Didn't keep my heart from betraying me, and having me whisper "Come on, Cas, wake up!" over and over until he did.

And then he finally did, and was my brave, nerdy angel again for a moment. Until the Leviathans took over. I knew it couldn't last. Not on this show. And now things are so much worse than they were at the beginning of the episode. But then again, now it is our Cas trapped inside his vessel with these evil things. And Sam and Dean know it. And even without the power of the Purgatory souls Cas is still a stubborn little nerdy dude with wings. And he will fight with everything he has. I believe in my angel. I never stopped believing in him. I know he can do this. I just pray that he doesn't get himself killed in the process.

Is it stupid to hold onto the hope that they won't "kill" the same character twice within two episodes?

Comments

[littlehollyleaf.livejournal.com]

So many feelings about this, and on the whole I'm with you, but I stayed up for this episode so I'm SHATTERED and can't break down everything in my mind yet.

Since it's become something of a tradition with us now though I thought I'd pop over to talk to you about Dean.

Oh Dean. Dean. DEAN.

I flutuated between feeling sorry for him as he drowned himself in alcohol and appeared to be grieving to feeling like I'd been slapped in the face at the 'kill him now!' line.

But then he seemed genuinely upset when Cas wasn't breathing and gave that subtle nod when Cas was promising to redeem himself that I take as stoic Dean-non-speak for a promise to accept that and a desire to forgive and (hopefully) work at some redemption of his own.

The way I'm seeing it right now is that denial was abounding throughout because the truth was too painful.

It was too painful to admit that his best friend CAS might be mascarading as God, so Dean HAD to believe that there was nothing of his friend left, that there was no way of reaching him. Meaning killing him was the best and only opition, something cleaner and easier to deal with than working through any difficult emotions the guy might be feeling (much like I imagine Cas felt in regards to Bal at the end, in fact).

Then later, when Cas was pouring his heart out and apologising, it was, of course, too painful for Dean to face up to the idea that, to his GUILT over the fact that, he might have stuff to apologise for too. Much easier to roll with the blame Cas was giving himself, pretend everything lay on Cas' shoulders, be gruff with the guy, tell him yeah he should feel bad, because perhaps that will stop Dean feeling bad himself.

And then when Cas was dead we get Dean repeating a couple of things from last season 'Cas, you child' and 'you should have come to me for help,' which, imo, is more denial of his own responsibility for the situation. Denial Dean needs even more at that moment cos he's not just trying to avoid the pain and guilt of his part in Castiel's misguided godhood, he's trying to avoid his part in Cas' DEATH, the idea that HE HELPED make his angel all cold and bloody at his feet by NOT helping him when he could have.

So yeah. Dean was a dick, AGAIN. But it's no different to the kind of dick he's always been and I CAN WORK WITH THAT. He's like... like those cowardly characters epic stories sometimes have you know? At the moment at least. The ones that spend the whole quest running and hiding and sometimes even leading the rest of the team into trouble. The ones everyone usually hates, but I always watch like a hawk because I KNOW there's a trope for cowardly characters like that, I know that, once their cowardace has been built up enough they will be given a chance at a defining moment of glory where they will finally man up and save the day and be all the stronger and braver and more interesting than the leads for it...

Not that I'm holding out for Dean to actually get one of these. To actually say the words 'I'm sorry too, Cas' and mean them in all the ways I want him to. But the potential is there, and right now that's enough for me.

/ramble

[gwaevalarin.livejournal.com]

My feelings are all over the place. This is my instant reaction, just the stuff that popped into my head while writing, the tip of the iceberg. I have no idea how I am ever supposed to put everything I think and feel into words. My head is spinning. But to be honest, I kinda missed that feeling.

You know, while I was writing the parts about Dean, I was actually thinking: "I bet Holly will disagree with me here." ;)

It may come as a surprise, but I agree with most of what you say. I know I wrote I was angry with Dean pretty much throughout the entire episode but most of the time I could actually understand why he acts the way he acts. At least a little.

There are two things that I can think of right now, that I'm having real trouble with:
The first one is asking Crowley for help. Really? After everything?
And the second, and much worse one, was the "kill him now". Sitting at Bobby's, drowning his pain in alcohol, and saying that Cas is gone is one thing. But looking at Castiel, who didn't look all that sure and powerful any more at that point, and hearing from Death what is going on, and still saying those words so coldly, in such a I-don't-fucking-care-I-just-want-him-gone way... forgiving him that is just asking a lot.
The last few minutes of the episode, when Dean clearly did care, made it a bit better. But... I can't just fogive and forget here, you know. I'm sure I will eventually. But I'm also sure it will take time, and very much depend on Dean coming around before it is too late for Cas.

[littlehollyleaf.livejournal.com]

while I was writing the parts about Dean, I was actually thinking: "I bet Holly will disagree with me here." ;)

Lol, while I was watching I was thinking 'Tinka must be hating on Dean for this' :p

My heart always seems to go out to Dean, as you know, and I'm not really sure why actually, since I was a Sam!girl at the start... but logically I DO KNOW going to Crowley was hypocritical - I also thought that at the time - and like I said, the 'kill him now' was like a suckerpunch, I had to pause my d/l and take a couple of very deep breaths to try and come to terms with it. And I haven't really, not yet. Although I think everything I outlined before explains it - Dean was distancing himself from Cas, in the same way Cas distanced himself from Bal. He was cutting off his emotions and for Dean that always means notching up the anger to compensate.

But that doesn't make it any less of a bitter pill to swallow and while it may explain it, it doesn't justify or condone it. Also, while I can shout about this interpretation to my heart's content, it is NOT one that the show is implying, or if it is it's being very VERY subtle about it. And that does not make me happy. I can forgive Dean anything, apparently, but he has NOT earned that forgiveness nor acknowledged he has ever been in the wrong and that NEEDS to happen. So I understand why you are not absolving him here 100%

It's like his clash with Sam all over again - for the first half of season 5 ALL the blame for the apocalypse rested on Sam, which just wasn't fair since Dean's distance and refusal to listen to Sam throughout season 4 led Sam to breaking the final scene as much as Ruby. It was not until Fallen Idols that Dean FINALLY admitted that he'd had a hand in the freeing of Lucifer too, and even then it was quick and not dwelled on for long (although the very fact that Dean was, eventually, humble in that episode, even if it was only a token humility by the writers, made it one of my S05 favourites, despite Paris Hilton).

So yeah, Dean needs to earn redemption as much as Cas right now, whether he's willing to acknowledge it or not, and I really really hope there will be at least a line or two from him at some point that will deal with that. At the moment I'm 85% confident there will be...

[gwaevalarin.livejournal.com]

*sighs* I do not hate on Dean. I'm just very, very angry and annoyed with him.

I was a Sam!girl as well. For roughly 3 1/2 seasons. Then my love was stolen away by a trench coat wearing angel of the lord. And then I started to concentrate on Dean more, because Dean was more important to Cas.

This episode reminded me again why I used to love Sam so much.

But back to Dean: I really, really want to forgive him. But I need something from him first that makes it possible for me to forgive him. He must have learnt something from the whole season 4 debacle, right? Pushing people you love away was a bad idea then. It is still a really bad idea this time around.

[mfluder42.livejournal.com]

I don't have much to add - haven't watched yet - but just wanted to say thanks to you (and others) who provide such thought-provoking reviews and commentaries. When things worry me, reading other views helps put things in perspective, and when things the views are the same, it's brilliant to read that others have the same concerns.

So thanks for sharing! :-)

[gwaevalarin.livejournal.com]

You are welcome.

Just: You haven't seen the episode yet and read this? I hope I haven't spoiled the entire episode for you now.

[mfluder42.livejournal.com]

No no no... tis cool. I read so many posts, saw so many gifs and pics on Tumblr, I pretty much know what happened.

And honestly, in some ways, I preferred it. I'll admit I've been very worried about what would happen, so I kinda wanted to know before I went into the ep to watch. And I'll likely wait till 702 airs anyway, so I can watch both the Misha/Castiel eps at once, see where it's headed/what's happening.

Yes, I'm pathetic. *g*

[gwaevalarin.livejournal.com]

You know, waiting what's going to happen may be a good idea. People start scaring me now with implying that Castiel may really be dead, something that I just ruled out as being too horrible before I even consciously realised that it was a possibility.

And now I'm starting to be scared again.

[shaitanah.livejournal.com]

I think I'm a little shocked (or a lot), b/c so far I've been feeling numb about this episode. I loved it, but I can't feel anything towards it yet. Weird. But it was less scary than I feared. At least Cas apologized. Though I didn't really like how they handled it. Why should Sam be the one to firgive him so quickly if Sam had suffered much more? And why didn't Dean apologize? He's as much to blame for their fallout as Cas.
But I agree about Misha deserving an award. His acting just keeps getting more and more breathtaking.

[gwaevalarin.livejournal.com]

I think I know what you mean. I loved the episode, and my head is spinning, but I'm not as emotional as I expected to be. I can feel it all boiling in the background though, so I keep myself busy with thinking about it and writing a proper review.
Sam has always been more forgiving than Dean. Forgiving Cas like he did is big, but I do think that it is also consistent with his character.
I'm pretty pissed with Dean, to be honest.

[seriesjunkie23.livejournal.com]

Just as I thought I love your review and you explain so well why I feel the way I feel right now. I had to stop watching the episode a couple of times when it was just too painful for me to go on.

For me, it was worse than anything I could have imagined and the scene were the leviathan is trying to get out of Cas made me cry. I realized then and there that whatever that thing was it was more powerful than our angel. I have never been sadder about being right in my life. And I agree with you, I'm so mad at Dean right now, I just wanna kick that pretty ass of his. Sammy being so understanding and forgiving is understandable I think, I mean, he brought on the Apocalypse, not a small thing. I'd even say it was just as big and just as bad as swallowing souls and proclaiming to be the new God. Btw, Cas' skin reminded me of the way Lucifer's skin looked in the end. It was so gruesome.

I agree with all my heart that Misha should get a billion awards for this. Why no one in Hollywood knows him (I couldn't believe it when I read that interview he gave) I don't know. The man's a freaking genius. And the Hollywood execs are effing idiot a-holes.

One last thing, so you think that maybe everything could really just be happening in Sam's mind the way that Lucifer told him? I don't know why but it reminded me of the Dallas story line where Bobby returns and all the episodes before when he was supposed to be dead were just a dream. I wish this was all a dream and Cas was still alive and I want my favorite angel back and I don't care how pathetic that may sound.

I hope this all makes sense in some way. If it doesn't, I'm still in a bit of a shock. The only good thing I can see right now is that I have more hope that this season may be better than the last. If nothing else, I feel emotional in a way I haven't felt for many episodes of season 6. But let's wait and see what'll happen.

[gwaevalarin.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm still busy writing my actual review, or what I will try to let pass an actual review.

Just a few things before I get back to that:

No, I don't think that everything is just happening in Sam's head. Mainly because that would be the most horribly storyline ever. But also because... if it is, then were is Michael? And why would Lucifer allow him to enjoy being out for so long before starting with the hallucinations? I don't know, I just don't think it adds up. It will be impossible to tell for Sam, though.

I wish this was all a dream and Cas was still alive and I want my favorite angel back and I don't care how pathetic that may sound.
Sweetheart, Castiel is not dead. Just because some stupid, powerful creature from Purgatory claims he is, doesn't mean it's true. Demons lie, don't you think the Leviathans will as well? No, our Cas is in there somehwere fighting with everything he has. And in my mind, Balthazar is right there with him. And they will succeed, because Castiel is our tough little nerdy angel, and he can be very, very stubborn. We will see Castiel again, I am absolutely certain of that.
Remember, Ben Edlund wrote the next episode.

[seriesjunkie23.livejournal.com]

Sorry, well I love your thoughts on the episode and will eagerly await the actual review :)

Thank God, cos that storyline was bad for Dallas and it would be really bad for our show, I think. I'm relieved to say the least.

Thank you so much, sweetie. See, that is why I need you to explain this to me, I take everything at face value and totally forget that the Leviathan may be lying. I feel stupid and a whole lot better at the same time now. And btw I want Balthazar back too.

I will trust Ben to make everything better then the way he always does.

Hugs

[gwaevalarin.livejournal.com]

Sorry about what? *confused*

I just mainly refuse give up on Cas, you know. Ever. I simply can't.
And I do trust Ben.

[seriesjunkie23.livejournal.com]

The sorry was for thinking that that was the actual review.

I too refuse to give up on Cas. It's just something I can't do either. I love him too much to do that.

Then, I say, Ben to the rescue :D