"I'll look out for you."

[gwaevalarin]

I can't believe I'm doing this, already rewatching the episode to write a review without having calmed down first. But how else am I supposed to get all those thoughts out of my head before they drive me insane?

Warning: This is more of an emotional outburst than a review. So if you're anywhere near "It's just a tv show." you should probably turn around and walk away.

"Wayward Son" is a damn perfect way to start another episode. When they mention the crossroad in "The road so far" I knew what Dean was going to do though I still hoped that I was wrong.

There we are, in a small hut(?) and now there's no doubt, no way to deny it: Sam is really dead. I wish I could say that he looks peaceful like he's just asleep but he doesn't. He looks dead. Sammy... *sobs*
And Dean's standing the doorway, watching him. Still watching over him. He hardly reacts when Bobby comes back. It's nice of Bobby to try and act normal, like life goes on. But it doesn't. Dean is broken, he broke with Sam's spine, and I don't know if anything can ever truely fix him again. He's experiencing his worst nightmare and that'll leave marks. He refuses to eat. Why should he. There's no point in anything any more.
Bobby carefully brings up the subject of burying Sam and, hell, that thought hurts. Dean says no, cause burying him'd mean giving up and Dean can't do that. Not yet, not ever. If they bury Sam they can bury Dean right with him. Bobby tries to convince Dean to come with him. To help.

"Something big is going down. End of the world big."
"Well then let it end!"
"You don't mean that."

Yes, he does. He does mean it. Dean's world already has ended. There's nothing left for him to fight for.
Dean sends Bobby away. There's nothing he can do to make this better. Nothing. Dean's just gonna sit there at Sam's side and die. Just fade away cause there's not even enough left in him to put the gun to his head and pull ther trigger. Just emptyness and sorrow.



Jake. And YED. They're pretty much the last "people" I want to see right now. Jake is the last man standing and like I thought, YED doesn't really care that it's Jake and not Sam.

"Go to hell."
"Been there, done that."

Okay, I had to laugh a little about that since that's the exact same words dimturien and I used in a fanfic we started just a few days ago. The context was a bit different though.

YED made you kill those people, Jake? That was your decision. You were the one who decided so save his own ass instead of teaming up with Sam. All the talk about hunting YED down. Save it! I don't believe you will.
I'm not blaming him for giving in when YED threatens his family. How could I? Sam'd have done that for Dean as well. Now it makes sense that YED let Dean live. Dean kept Sam on the road and YED could have used their bond against them like he does with Jake and his family now. But Jake would have given in anyway. He proves that later. He's killed to save himself. He's gone too far to turn back now no matter what he says. And, hell, yeah, I hate him for killing Sam. Can you blame me?

Dean's still standing by Sam's side. Never leaving him like he already did in Croatoan. He talks to Sam like he never could talk to him when Sam was still alive. What we get so see now is Dean's soul, raw and exposed. And it's the saddest and most beautiful thing I've ever seen. He's so calm all of a sudden. Smiling about the memories.




"You know, when we were little... you couldn't have been more than five. You just started asking questions. How the heck come we didn't have a Mom. Why do we always have to move around. Where did Dad go. Take off for days at a time. Remember I begged you to quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't wanna know. I just wanted you to be a kid. Just for a little while longer. I was trying to protect you. To keep you save. Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know. It was like I had one job. That one job. And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that I'm sorry."

No, Dean. Don't you ever be sorry. You didn't screw up. You did everything you could. You did more than anyone else ever would or could have done. You are the most awesome big brother Sam could ever have wished for.

"I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too. I can't... how am I suppossed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy... What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?!"

*flinches* That's when sorrow turns to rage. Dean is a fighter and that part of him takes over for just a moment, but it's enough to get him back on his feet and the rage he feels towards the world for being so unfair to him after everything he sacrificed is enough to keep him going for now. He can't give up. Not as long as he's still breathing.

He's determined. No one and nothing can stop him now. He packs the little box to summon the crossroad demon and buries it. No, Dean! Don't do that! OMG! I want Sam back, too. I need him back but there has to be another way. Dean offers his soul for Sam's life and ten years. No, Dean, no! She knows how desperate he is and Dean scales down. Nine years. Eight years. Everytime the number gets lower I feel like being stabbed. His last offer is five years and I'm practically begging the demon to say no, turn around and leave. We saw Deans soul earlier and he can't give it to her. Not even for Sam's life. And I do want Sam back. So badly.
She teases him for another moment and then she does turn around but she doesn't leave. The demon knows as well as I do that Dean'll call her back to hear her offer. She offers him one year. One single year! Dean, you can't do this! You remember how you felt when John did almost the exact same thing for you? But I know he will do it because he can't not do it either. He almost desperately seals the deal.



Dean, you stupid idiot! Stupid, stupid, stupid! I want to hit him. I want to yell at him. But at the same time I can't help but have the uttermost respect for him. He doesn't just say that he'd do anything for Sam. He actually proves it. Not that I ever had any doubt he would. It's an act of love. Okay, maybe it's a little bit selfish as well him not wanting to live without Sam but mainly it's love. Dean... what have you done?

Sam wakes up. Sammy!



I want to ignore that dark cloud hanging over this. I just want to be happy that he's back. Alive. Sammy... *clings to him and cries*
Demon could at least have healed his wound completely. On the other hand... the pain seems kinda right. It'll go away. It'll fade away, Sam'll heal and the only thing left will be a scar.

Dean comes in and looks at his brother like this is a miracle. Well, it is. And while Sam is a little confused Dean finally, finally hugs his brother. Gives him a proper hug. And that one was so worth waiting for.





Sam wants to know what happened. He knows his wound was fatal. Dean tells him that he lost a lot of blood but Bobby was able to patch him up. Don't lie to him like that, Dean. He'll lose you in a year. He deserves to know. I know Dean just tries to protect Sam but... it just doesn't seem right.

Sam wants to find Jake and pretty much tear him to shreds but Dean holds him back. He just got his brother back and he won't let him risk his life again before he hasn't even recovered. Sam has to get his strength back first and Dean needs to have him safe at least for a little longer. While they're eating Sam tells Dean what happened but he leaves out the bit about him having demon blood in him and their mother knowing the demon. Shouldn't you know better by now than keeping secrets from each other? Both of you.
Dean tells Sam about what happened to the Roadhouse and that Ash found something. Sam has tears in his eyes when he hears about it.



It's not your fault, baby, it's not your fault.
Sam can't sit around any longer. He has to do something.

"Stop, Sam. Stop! Damnit! You almost died in there. I mean, what would I have..."

We know what you "would have" done. He feels a little guitly, doesn't he? For putting the same burden on Sam that John put on him when he gave his soul for him.
Dean asks Sam to take care of himself just for a little bit but Sam says no. If you knew, Sam...
They drive to Bobby's who instantly knows what's going on. The shock is written all over his face but he doesn't say anything. Not in front of Sam.
Bobby informs them that there are demonic omend again now like Woah! concentrating around one totally clean spot in Wyoming. Bobby asks Sam to take another look at it and Dean to come with him. And this is so not about books but about "We need to talk."
I could still just look at Sam, look at him being alive. I just want to hug him, hold him tight and never let him go. Never let him get hurt again.

"You stupid ass! What did you do? What did you do?!"

Thanks, Bobby. That's exactly my thoughts. Then again I want to tell Bobby to stop. To give Dean a rest. It's done and there's nothing that can be done about it any more anyway.
Bobby really became a father figure for them after John's death. And he puts his heart into it.

"Dad brought me back, Bobby. I'm not even suppossed to be here. At least this way something good could come out of it, you know, it's like my life can mean something."
"What? And it didn't before. Have you got that low an opinion of yourself? Are you that screwed in the head?"
"I couldn't let him die, Bobby. I couldn't. He's my brother."
"How's your brother gonna feel when he knows you're going to hell? How did you feel when you knew your Dad went for you?"
"You can't tell him. You take a shot at me. Whatever you gotta do but, please, don't tell him."

Oh, Dean. Doing everything for the right reasons and with the best intentions and still everything is so screwed up. It's not fair.

They hear someone or something in the yard and it's... Ellen! She's alive! I'm so happy to see her and so is Dean when he pulls her into a hug.



That's the good things, the sparkles of hope that mean everything now.
Bobby wants to make sure and gives her a shot of Holy Water. She drinks it and then asks for Whiskey. *grins through tears*
Ellen tells them that she was just lucky not to be in the Roadhouse when it burned down. She was gone cause they had run out of brezels. That's unbelievable. *shakes head* The things that save your life. Ash called her and managed to tell her to look in the safe right before the line went dead. Something still sounds wrong but I can't put my finger on it. It's not like it doesn't make sense. It totally does. Anyway, Ellen got the map that was in the safe. Yeah, Ellen! The Xes on it are abandoned frontier church build by Samuel Colt. The same Samuel Colt that built THE Colt. And looking at the Xes I can instantly tell what you get when you connect them: A pentacle. And Colt did link them, with railway lines, read: iron. He built a 100 square mile iron pentacle. Genius!
And what's inside is an old cowboy cemetary with something Colt wanted to keep in or keep demons away from. No full blood demon can get across. But a half bloos can. Like Jake... or Sam.

And of course that's exactly what YED wants: For Jake to get in there and do the job he can't do himself. And the job is opening a crypt. And for that YED gives Jake the gun. How ironic is it that the only weapon that can kill him is the key to what he wants. Now we know why he wanted to have it. He needs it.
And that now is what I was talking about when I said that Jake would have given in anyway and that his word is worth nothing. He could end it right there, kill YED like he said he would. His family would be save. But he doesn't. He takes the offer for some "better" lifo for him and his family. He's too weak. And too stupid. Taking the word of a demon who'll throw him away as soon as he doesn't need him any more.

When Jake arrives at the crypt the boys, Bobby and Ellen are already there. Jake tells Sam that he killed him. That he knows the knife went through his spine and the truth is dawning on Sam. He could have guessed it earlier but of course he didn't want to as long as Dean's story still made some sense. But right now he has to worry about Jake.
Jake is pushing Sam. Dean, please, pull the trigger before Sam does it.

Jake mind controls Ellen into putting the gun at her head. What the hell? That's Andy's power. So maybe they all have all the powers in them and they just don't show as long as they don't give into it. That'd explain Sam's telekinetic outburst in Nightmare.
Ellen can't fight it. No, not Ellen! Too many people died already. They put her guns down and I was so afraid Jake'd make Ellen shoot herself anyway. And he does but luckily he concentrates on the cryp first which gives Dean the time he needs to take the gun away and save her.

Jake puts the gun into the crypt's door and then he gets shot four times. By Sam. And when Jake lies on the ground Sam shoots at him three more times without fliching. Without any emotion in his eyes other than hate. NOOOOOOO! *breaks down* I thought you were safe, Sammy. I was so naive to believe you were safe. It's not the fact that he kills Jake. It's the way he kills him. Not to save someone but to kill. Oh, Sammy... you lost your innocence. After you resisted giving in for so long. I don't say that Sam's lost now. I believe that he can still be saved. But he took that step and he can't ever make it undone.

Dean can grab the Colt and run before the crypt, the devil's gate, opens.



The force of the emerging demons is so strong that it breaks the pentacle and lets them escape in the world. And open a way in for YED. Everything happens so fast from there. Ellen, Bobby and Sam try to shut the door and Dean points the colt at YED. Still one bullett left. But YED is too fast. He gets the colt and flings Dean against a tombstone. When Sam sees this he lets go off the gate to help his brother. Dean's more important. But YED is way too strong for him and Sam - unable to move - can just watch YED go over to Dean.
YED thanks Dean for bringing Sam back and so helping his plan. Oh, the cruel irony. And he's trying to mess with Dean's head.

"You saw what your brother just did to Jake, right. That was pretty cold, wasn't it? How certain are you that what you brought back is onehundred percent pure Sam?"

*looks into sam's eyes* It's Sam. I'm sure. What he did to Jake scares the crap out of me but it is Sam and as long as Dean's around YED or any other deamon for that matter won't get him. Yeah, as long as Dean is around...

And then YED points the gun at Dean and... John! He climbed out of hell to save his son. And he buys Dean enough time to get the gun and finish the job.



It's really over. He's gone.
And John is standing there, looking at Dean. Proud and happy. And this time Dean can believe it. That his father is proud of him. There are no words neccessary.







And John finally finds his peace. This time he's gone for good. Gone to a better place where Mary is waiting... no, she's not waiting for him. But maybe she is. I want to believe that she is. Farewell, John.





*hugs the boys tight* Anyone still having any doubts that this is truely and one hundred percent Sam?

Sam and Dean can hardly believe that it's over. And Sam looks so young all of a sudden. Being all little brother again asking questions.

"Well, check that off the to-do-list."
"You did it."
"I didn't do it alone."
"Do you think Dad really... you think he really climbed out of hell?"
"The door was open. If anyone was stubborn enough to do it it would be him."
"Where do you think he is now?"
"I don't know."
"I can't believe it, Dean, I mean our whole lives, everything, he's been preparing for this and now I don't know what to say."
"I do. That was for our Mom, you son of a bitch."

And for John. And Andy. And Jess.

That scene's perfect. It's so bitter sweet. They can never have an happy ending. But maybe they can have a little bit of peace. At least for a while. That's how the show could have ended but luckily it doesn't. I probably wouldn't have survived that.

They go back to the car and there's still something Sam has to bring up. Something I almost managed to forget about for a moment. Something that'll destroy the peace they just earned themselves.

"You know, when Jake saw me it was like he saw a ghost. I mean, you heard him, Dean. Said he killed me."
"Glad he was wrong."
"I don't hink he was, Dean. What happened. After I was stabbed."
"I already told you."
"Not everything."
"Sam, we just killed the demon. Can we celebrate for a minute."
"Did I die? Did you sell your soul for me like Dad did for you."
"Oh, come on. No!"
"Tell me the truth. Dean, tell me the truth."

For a short moment I was afraid Sam'd go all Andy on him there.

"Sam..."
"How long did you get?"
"One year. I got one year."
"You shouldn't have done that. How could you do that?"
"Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that."

Boys... *sobs* Sam's not mad. He's worried. And how could he not. He can't lose Dean just like Dean can't lose him. Could you boys please stop breaking my heart over and over again?

"I had to. I had to look out for you. That's my job."
"What do you think my job is?"
"What?"
"You saved my life. Over and over. I mean, you sacrificed everything for me. Don't you think I'd do the same for you. You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And I don't care what it takes I'm gonna get you out of this. Guess I've gotta save your ass for a change."
"Yeah."





Sam just took a huge weight from Dean's shoulders by making clear that he'll look out for him the same way Dean always has and and always will look out for Sam. And Dean can accept that now. It's Sam time to save them. To save Dean and to save himself. And he can do it. I know he can. As long as they're together they can get through anything.

And now there are about 200 demons on the loose. And someone has to stop them.



"We got work to do!"



You know, bottom line: YED is finally gone, the boys are back together and Dean has bought them a year. And since John found his peace after YED died, maybe that's the way out of the deal: Killing the demon. Then on the other hand that could be exactly what she was talking about when she told Dean not to try and wriggle his way out of this. And Dean won't take the chance with Sam's life at stake. But Sam will.

Can it be september now, please?

Comments

[dimturien.livejournal.com]

Okay, I had to laugh a little about that since that's the exact same words dimturien and I used in a fanfic we started just a few days ago. The context was a bit different though.
Yeah, the context was a bit different. But - just a bit. *gg*

When do we continue writing that thing? *g*

Beautiful review, kinda exactly like my emotions duriing that episode. And I am so proud of Sammy! He's determinded to save his big brother - and he'll figure out how, I just know it!

@Sam killing Jake: Sam was just pissed. He may have lost his innocence, but then again he didn't do it just for fun. He did it to save the others. Someone had to shoot Jake and while Bobby and Dean were busy with Ellen, Sam had to do it...

Can it be september now, please?
*changes time on her computer*

Huh. Dammit. Doesn't exactly work the way I planned it... :(

[gwaevalarin.livejournal.com]

When do we continue writing that thing? *g*
I'm not really sure when I'll be in the mood to continue writing that with everything that happened in the last two episodes. But I can type it down and send it to you if you want.

And I am so proud of Sammy! He's determinded to save his big brother - and he'll figure out how, I just know it!
He will. *nods*

@Sam killing Jake: I hope you're right. But as I said: It's not the fact that Sam killed him it's how he killed him. He seriously scared me and the shock in Bobby's and even for a moment in Dean's face tell me that I'm not imagining things.
I'm just worried.

[cellardoor081.livejournal.com]

I still refuse to watch the episode a second time, but I just wanted to say that I really really love you recaps.

[gwaevalarin.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

I had a pretty hard time pressing play for the second time (even harder than pressing it for the first time) but actually: Watching the episode again helped. I felt better afterwards.