Castiel - Between Heaven and Earth (Part 9)

[gwaevalarin]

I believed in... (5x16)

When Castiel says he's cut off from heaven, he literally means he's cut off. He can't even go there any more. Not that he'd want to, being hunted by the other angels. But he just can't and that's bad when Sam and Dean are stuck up there with Zachariah.
He can, however, at least still communicate with Dean. Pretty much the same way he sent messages to Jimmy before taking over his body just in the other direction.

Before he finds out what is going on, Dean tells Castiel to stop poking around in his dreams which implies that Cas is doing that more often than we get to see. I can't imagine that, at this point in their friendship, Castiel is really looking for something in Dean's dreams so I guess he's just jumping in there because he's bored or lonely or just curious.

Castiel can't do much about Sam's and Dean's situation. What he manages is really just more or less a phone call to heaven and that is probably dangerous. You never know who might listen and trace the call back to find Castiel. It's also difficult for Castiel to keep up the connection so he doesn't have much time. But at least he can tell Dean where he is and why. And he can tell him what to do.
Castiel doesn't even try to make it sound like it's a good thing Dean is in Heaven. What has been his home for centuries - even though probably a different part - has become a dangerous place to him as well as the Winchester boys.

It seems that Castiel at least partly keeps up the connection when Dean moves further down the road, difficult as it may be. Otherwise he couldn't react to Dean's call that quickly. He does everything he can to help them from where he is and I can so clearly picture him sitting in some abandoned house or motel room, surrounded by Enochian symbols, concentrating on this fragile link to Heaven. But I'm sure he's feeling pretty okay under the circumstances. Of course he doesn't want Sam and Dean dead and hunted by Zachariah but he's on familiar territory and feeling like he can actually do something here. He can help with the situation. And even more important, the situation might turn out much better than it looks.
Castiel knows that Zachariah wants to resurrect the boys. So he doesn't have to worry about their deaths but he knows that the boys can do something now that he can't: Find Joshua and ask him about God. About where he is and about what he's been saying.

Castiel is unusually excited about this. Of course he is. This is his chance to at least get some more information about God's whereabouts. And when Sam and Dean don't really care, don't get what a great opportunity this is, he gets annoyed. Not just because they don't go with his plan but also because it reminds him again that there are things he can't do any more. Like just return to Heaven. He has to rely on Dean for this. And because Dean is asking really stupid questions when there is no time. He hasn't been this close to his goal since he's started his search for God. He hardly ever asks anything of the boys and he really isn't asking too much of them now. Sure, they have to avoid Zachariah but they're not really in any danger from him. All he wants to do is bring them back to live - at least that's what Castiel thinks. He's clearly lacking Zachariah's imagination - which of course mustn't happen before they have spoken to Joshua.

They say that two of the most terrifying things that can happen to a person is losing their faith and finding their faith. When Castiel learns about what God said, he is an angel losing his faith. Try to imagine how infinitely more terrifying that must be. Considering that, Castiel is taking the news pretty well. At least for the moment.


"You son of a bitch. I believed in...

Castiel gets the confirmation that it was God who brought him back but that pales in comparison to what he loses. His father has abandoned him, his last hope is crushed to pieces. He's now truly alone. For a moment, he clinging to the thought that Joshua might have lied but he knows he hasn't. Castiel is angry and hurt and the way he labels the necklace as worthless tells how much. He doesn't want any sympathy or kind words. Right now everything Sam and Dean could say to him would sound empty and meaningless. So he just leaves to be alone and somehow deal with this.


You are an angel? - A poor example of one (5x17)

Castiel's voice mail implies that he's still trying to figure out the whole mobile phone business. On his own whenever he is bored. I can so clearly picture him sitting somewhere in the middle of nowhere, typing about on his phone, brows furrowed in concentration and just stumbling over the voice mail service. Oh, Cas! It's probably pure luck that Cas listens to Sam's message at all. Especially considering the state he's in when he does.

Having lost the last hope he had in Heaven, Castiel is dealing with his pain in a very human way. Or a Dean way to be precise: He drowns it in alcohol. And it takes a lot of alcohol to get an angel drunk enough to numb the pain.


I found a liquor store. And I drank it.

There is more than a hint of 2014!Castiel. He's heading to this future so directly that it's a miracle he can still escape it.
Drunk Castiel is very blunt. And still annoyed. Not by Sam personally but the world in general. Sam is just the only one around so he's the one who has to suffer from Castiel's bad mood. And for once it's Sam's personal space he violates but he does it consciously and almost threateningly.
But even then, when Castiel doesn't seem to care about anything any more, when he just seems to have given up on the world, he doesn't hesitate a second when the boys ask him for help. He just turns up and asks Sam what he wants him to do. He might not be the most pleasant company right now but that doesn't mean that Castiel is any less willing and able to help. This is too much a part of him to be suppressed by alcohol.

When Dean comes back he gets the same blunt, annoyed Castiel that is just sick of people asking him stupid questions. But he has the answers and when he tells Dean about the Whore of Babylon and what she is he doesn't even sound as drunk any more. At least for a moment until he's trying to make a joke that probably even in Enochian is only funny after more than just a few drinks.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for awkward jokes if that means we get so see Castiel just remotely happy and relaxed. But he isn't either. He's just pissed and very, very miserable underneath.
I don't think he realises how close to human he's getting. He doesn't want to realise. He helps himself to a glass of water like it's the most normal thing in the world. Like his mind is blacking out how unusual thirst is for him because he can't deal with the implications of his sudden need for water. Or any other human needs he might start to experience.


"The Whore can only be killed by a true servant of Heaven. Not you. Or me. Sam, of course, is an abomination. We'll have to find someone else."

It's sad how Castiel just dismisses himself as a true servant of God. To dismiss Sam makes sense from Castiel's point of view, as much as Cas has grown to like him and when he calls him an abomination he does it almost fondly. Dean has never been much of a fan of serving Heaven. But Cas, even in his rebellion just proved to be the most faithful of Heaven's angels. But not any more. Not after the way his father treated him after everything he did. It doesn't matter if Heaven still counts him as a faithful servant. He doesn't want to be one any more. He's not serving them any more.

And that becomes even more obvious when he seeks out the pastor. Remember when he told Dean that he was an Angel of the Lord? How proud he was? How confident? There was no room for doubt about what Castiel was even though Dean didn't want to believe it at first. Now he can hardly convince himself that he really still is who he says he is.


"You are an angel?"
"A poor example of one."

Castiel hasn't just lost faith in God and Heaven, he has completely lost faith in himself. If God doesn't care then his whole mission, from the day he dragged Dean out of hell, was pointless. It makes him feel worthless. Everything he says, things that meant something once, are just facts now that he happens to know. Pure randomness thrown into the chaos. He doesn't really care any more if Heaven or Hell wins. He's lost faith, he's lost hope. The only reason he still bothers at all is because this world means so much to Dean and Castiel won't ever let him down.

Castiel has sobered up and the headache is the least of his problems. Without the alcohol running through his system and keeping the pain at bay it all comes crashing down again. Fortunately this time Dean is there, really there for him. To offer him a little comfort and sympathy. It might not seem much, some aspirin, a few kind words, but it's worth a lot and this little moment there might well be what saves Cas.


Yeah, I’ve been there. I’m a big expert on deadbeat dads. So…Yeah, I get it. I know how you feel."
"How do you manage it?"
"On a good day you get to kill a whore."

The little talk with Dean does touch something in Castiel. There's more drive in his actions again, more purpose. Leah is stronger than him but he fights. Even when he's on the ground, convulsed with pain, he's gritting his teeth and he fights it. Dean has restored some of Castiel's faith. Not his faith in God or Heaven but his faith in Dean. The faith he never really lost but that got buried underneath all the disappointment and pain. And that helps him back up a little, at least until he'll figures out what happened and how Dean turned out to be a true servant of Heaven after all.



Castiel doesn't say anything, he doesn't push Dean away. He's in no condition to do that right now. But the hopelessness and sadness returns into his eyes when his hopes are crushed once more.


I gave everything for you (5x18)

Castiel teams up with Sam to stop Dean from giving in to Michael. When he turns up to zap Dean away, he doesn't even say a single word. No question, no explanation, nor plea to not do this. He's too disappointed in Dean for any of this. Back at Bobby's house he just stares at Dean, arms crossed and his look clearly tells Dean to not come near him, to not even try to defend his actions. Castiel feels betrayed to an extend he never has before by Dean or Heaven or anyone else. Right now he probably wouldn't be willing to make up with Dean if Dean apologised and told him that he was wrong which Dean is nowhere near doing. Cas id gripping the dresser tight because that is probably the only thing keeping him from punching Dean right there and then. He's experiencing that the danger in letting someone as close as he let Dean is that they can hurt you, really hurt you to the point where you don't know how to handle it.



There is a short moment, a spark of hope when Bobby yells at Dean. Castiel can see that there is still a chance that they might get through to Dean. He's waiting for Dean's reaction, willing to encourage him if Dean comes back to Team Free Will. But then the headaches starts and Dean is worried and so is Sam. Dean and Castiel might not be on the best of terms right now but that is because they both care. Unfortunately Cas doesn't notice how worried Dean looks at him because he is too preoccupied with the new turn of events. The small moment is over and Castiel is back to being pissed at Dean and leaves without even an explanation as to where he's going.



There is this angelic air again, when Castiel kneels down next to Adam's grave to reach for him and give him a hand to help him back into this world. Something he didn't do back when he dragged Dean from hell. Castiel has come a long way since then and he has learned a lot about humans, emotions and true kindness. But that doesn't mean he has forgotten how to fight. His new found faith in himself and their fight that he regained in his little talk with Dean before Dean killed the Whore of Babylon, that is still there. It still drives him. And if that means he has to kill even more of his brothers than he will. He refuses to give up on it and that makes it even worse for him that Dean, who gave him back this faith, obviously has.

He's not exactly handling Adam very gently but he does bring him back to Bobby's house where he knows he will find help. I don't think Castiel knew that he was bringing Sam's and Dean's little half-brother back to them. He looks surprised when Dean mentions it. Castiel also doesn't know what exactly the angels want with Adam but he does know that it is nothing good and he will make sure they don't find him. Of course the fact that Zachariah already got to him is bad news. But at least Castiel has something else to concentrate on so he almost forgets how angry he is at Dean, at least for the moment. The mission is more important and his mind is working on what exactly it is that Zachariah has planned and how they can stop it. How he can keep this boy safe. So he stays back and listens and puts the pieces together. Things seem almost back to normal except when Castiel talks to Dean he's still irritable and sarky and the emotions are clearly boiling under the surface.


"Maybe they're desperate. Maybe they wrongly assume Dean would be brave enough to withstand them."

Sam and Cas lock Dean in the panic room and when they go back down the tension between Castiel and Dean is fully there again, right on the surface and Sam asking Cas to keep an eye on Adam is the only thing keeping the situation from escalating. Good thing Castiel really does consider Sam his friend by now. Otherwise Sam would not be able to keep the angel at least somewhat calm so he doesn't kill Dean right there and then. Because right at that moment there's no guarantee that he wouldn't.



The moment Castiel isn't facing Dean any more his anger turns into sadness and when he goes down to the panic room I believe it is to talk to Dean and maybe, just maybe find their friendship again somewhere under all that anger and fucked up situation. But Dean throws it right into his face, before Castiel has a chance to even talk to him. Banishing him with the sigil is such a breach of trust that Castiel feels like Dean has betrayed everything they've ever been through together.
These scenes break my heart. Every time one of them is willing to take a step towards the other, something prevents the other from seeing it. So they both feel pushed away.
So when Castiel finds Dean again they're both too hurt to try and Sam isn't around to stop them so the inevitable happens: Emotions explode and the situation escalates. And of course Dean doesn't stand a chance against Castiel's (not so) angelic wrath.


"I rebelled for this? So that you could surrender to them?"
"Cas. Please."
"I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me?

It just breaks out of Castiel, all the emotions he's been holding in ever since he rebelled and Dean still couldn't keep the final seal from breaking. Every single time he did something for Dean and didn't get anything back, every single time Dean disappointed him. Of course it's irrational. Dean has tried and Dean has given back to him even if it's not nearly as much as Castiel has been willing to give for him. And Dean does most definitely care about him. But Castiel is way past rational. He loses control. And he is capable of killing Dean. It's Dean on the floor, bleeding, looking into his eyes and asking him to end it that brings Castiel back to his senses and makes him realise that he doesn't hate Dean. That he never could, no matter what Dean does or how betrayed he feels by him. When he sends Dean into unconsciousness the touch is gentle. It is to stop his pain, the physical pain Castiel has caused him and the pain life has caused him. They're not suddenly fine again. Castiel is still pissed at Dean but now he understands him a tiny little bit and they're at least in a situation to talk again and maybe fix this.

I'm trying to imagine the scene when Sam convinces Castiel and Bobby to take Dean with them to the Green Room. Castiel's trust in Dean is clearly not restored but maybe, when he sees the trust Sam still has in his brother, a tiny part of him wants to believe it as well, that Dean won' give in to Michael after all. And that's why he goes along with it. When they seek out the Green Room, Castiel doesn't even look at Dean at first. If Sam is wrong then this is it. This is the moment they lose. But his anger has vanished. When Castiel volunteers to take out five angels he doesn't do it because Sam asked him do. Sam is his friend and that is part of the reason why he agreed to this plan. But he doesn't do it for Sam. He does it for Dean. He's giving him another chance willing to risk his life for him once more. And this is when he looks at Dean again. He's right there. He won't abandon Dean. He will continue giving as long as there is just the slightest chance that Dean might do the right thing, that they might still win. He doesn't have faith in Dean any more. He wishes he did but he doesn't. But he has realised that he still has to put his trust in him. If Dean fails him again then it doesn't matter if he lives or dies anyway.


"Isn't that suicide?"
"Maybe it is. But then I won't have to watch you fail. Sorry, Dean. I don't have the same faith in you that Sam does.

I wonder if he asks Dean to carve the sigil into his skin. I can't imagine that he does it himself with no mirror around. And then he faces the angels, his final stand. With very little hope but nothing else. He can take out the angels. The rest lies with Dean and Sam's ability to get through to his brother. And maybe that's something Castiel is able to put his trusts into. He does know them well enough by now to know that if someone can still change Dean's mind it's Sam.

Part 8 / Masterpost / Part 10

Screencaps from Misha-Collins.Net