![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwaevalarin
I'll die first (5x10)
Castiel goes all secret agent spying after Crowley to find the Colt. And either Dean has shown him some movies or he got bored while Dean slept. Either way it seems like he's mixing up fiction and reality in another attempt to act more human. Once again carefully tasting the feel of a new expression. And it will never not be adorable.
Castiel is definiely the best candidate for following Crowley without the demon noticing. being the only member of Team Free Will who can continue following him even when he zaps away. And it seems to do him good, having a mission, something he can concentrate on. It gives him a sense of purpose.
And when he can't go further because the Enochian keeps him out it bugs him more than it should even though this is a barrier that he wouldn't be able to cross even if he still had all of his angelic mojo.
He almost sounds a little defeated and a little angry when he tells Dean that this is as far as he can go. It's a very good thing that Dean tell him that it's okay and that he did everything the Winchester boys needed him to do. But still, there's this feeling of worthlessness again, bubbling to the surface and it frustrates Cas more than he shows.
Castiel catches up with the rest of the team again, when they have their last night on earth party and it's probably the first time he's felt part of a team ever since he rebelled - or since his search for Raphael with Dean but that was just the two of them so I'm not sure if it really counts.
He doesn't really get what the whole thing is about and the point of drinking is completely lost on him but Castiel is a lot more relaxed than in any other situation in which we've seen him so far that includes interactin with humans. He knows that the people in this room accept him and even when they make a little fun about his cluelessness they do it fondly. So there's no reason why he shouldn't go along with everything in an attempt to figure it out.
It seems like Jo and Ellen grew really fond of our angel and vice versa. He's even riding in the car with them and not in the Impala with Sam and Dean. It makes me sad that we haven't seen them interact more often. Cas doesn't really have that many friends and when he leaves Ellen and Jo to find out why so many Reapers have geathered in this town, he doesn't know that this will be the last time he sees them alive. But knowing Cas, his goodbye wouldn't have been much different had he known.
He follows his angelic senses and instantly you can see his otherworldliness again. But slightly different from usual. He looks... younger for lack of a better word. Like Lucifer's presence already has an influence before they even meet face to face and his big brother traps him in a ring of holy fire.
It's hard to say what Castiel sees when he looks at Lucifer. I'm sure he doesn't just see the vessel but Lucifer's true form, the most beautiful creature in all creation. Castiel's voice almost drops to a whisper. His mind is made up, Lucifer is the bad guy in his eyes and that won't change but he can't escape Lucifer's charm completely. And there is probably part of him that wants to bow before the former archangel. But he won't. He won't show his fear either. He knows that Lucifer will take advantage of every weakness he shows, however small. He also knows that every word Lucifer says to him is dangerous. Just one mistake and he will be lost.
"Castiel. I don't understand why you're fighting me, of all the angels."
"You really have to ask?"
"I rebelled, I was cast out. You rebelled, you were cast out. Almost all of heaven wants to see me dead, and if they succeed, guess what? You're their new public enemy number one. We're on the same side, like it or not, so why not just serve your own best interests? Which in this case just happen to be mine."
"I'll die first."
Lucifer's speech about how similar they are touches something in Castiel and the fact that he doesn't really falter, even for a moment, shows how strong Castiel's will is. Just like his reaction to the whole vessel topic shows that his bond with the Winchesters, holding him steady, is at least part of what saves him. It also shows Lucifer that it won't be easy to seduce Castiel. Lucifer doesn't give up or he'd just kill Castiel right away. But for now Castiel wins this mental fight.
From that on Lucifer just watches Castiel and while Cas stil has to be careful it gives him the time weigh his options. He takes in every little detail of the room, of Lucifers interaction with Meg, and when Lucifer leaves and only Meg stays back to watch him, Castiel knows that he has a chance now.
His talk with Meg gives you a hint of how Castiel made it all the way through hell down to Dean. He knows how to deal with demons, not just in a simple fight. He is in control here, Meg is no match for him, not really.
He distracts her long enough to carry out his plan. It doesn't exactly work. Castiel is even more cut off from heaven than he was aware. But that only means that he'll have to get creative. Throwing her into the fire might seem a little reckless but keep in mind that she's a demon and Castiel probably doesn't think much higher of them than Lucifer does. It's easy to forget but we're still talking about an angel here who's willing to kill a child because he's a demon spawn. And Meg definitely isn't innocent. At all. And Castiel has no respect whatsoever for her and her kind.
The same angelic air that has surrounded him from the moment he left to investigate the Reapers is still there when he brings Sam and Dean out of the hot zone. This whole encounter with Lucifer reminded Castiel that he isn't worthless or helpless at all. He doesn't have most of his powers but he still has thousands of years of experience. And remembering that restores quite a bit of Castiel's tattered self-esteem.
You've changed. - Maybe too late. But I have.(5x13)
Even after Anna just told him how Castiel betrayed her, Cas is the first person Dean tells about her return. And despite his weakened powers the lights around him explode in his presence which either means he's trying to impress Anna - which I doubt at that point - or seeing her again make his emotions run wild. He doesn't trust her. She got dragged back to Heaven after having committed much more severe crimes than when the same thing happened to him. And he knows what it did to him. But at the same time it was his fault that she was caught and he still feels guitly for betraying her like that. So he can't trust her but he can't really blame her for anything either. He has to keep Sam and Dean save from here, make sure she can't follow whatever her orders are. He knows that Anna is dangerous. He knows that she's lying. She might not even be fully aware of it, but she is following Heaven's orders. He hates that she's lying to him after all that time. That she is trying to betray him now and, even worse, Dean. But at the same time he wants to apologise and make it up to her. But he can't.
So he locks all emotions away once more and becomes the soldier again he's been for so many centuries. Just this time, he isn't fighting a war but protecting the closest thing he has to a family and his whole posture and voice make it perfectly clear that he won't let anyone fool him or distract him from that. So the only thing Anna can try to make it past Castiel is the truth.
"Sam Winchester has to die."
[...]
"The answer is still no. Because Sam is my friend"
"You've changed."
"Maybe too late. But I have. Anna, we've been through much together but you come near Sam Winchester and I kill you."
With the old Castiel, the one she knew before he betrayed her, this would have worked. He would have had no doubt that this is the right way. One life sacrificed to save millions. But Castiel indeed has changed. He still sees that Anna is right in her way, killing Sam would stop the Apocalypse. But it's not an option any more. He's learnt his lesson with Jesse. Killing an innocent - and Sam is still innocent in the sense that he never chose to be Lucifer's vessel and that he has no intention of giving in to him - can never be right. So he's fighting Anna's arguments with everything he has. And when Anna crushes all his other arguments there's still the one that counts more than anything: Sam is his friend. It's the first time he refers to Sam that way but it's true. Even if it wasn't, Sam would still be Dean's brother and that's reason enough to protect him. But Cas does care about Sam by now too, flawed as he may be.
Castiel has chosen his side a while ago but this scene shows how firm he is in his decision. For the first time in a long time there's no doubt whatsoever. Whatever happens, he will fight for his chosen family to the very end if he has to.
Castiel knows Anna well enough to know that she won't just give up. So he tells the Winchester boys and starts working on a ritual to find her right away. He doesn't even seen to mind that much any more that it's probably a lot more complicated now with his powers weakened. He's learning to rely on his intelligence and knowledge to make up for the lack of powers.
Of course Sam is all willing to sacrifice himself when he hears of Anna's plan but just one look at Dean, a moment of silent communication between them because they both know the real answer to that quesion, and Castiel is lying to Sam to protect him. Because Sam is his friend but even more because Dean is and there's noone more important to Dean than his brother.
The ritual weakens him visibly but it doesn't matter. What matters is them, not him. So he's willing to go to the past alone to confront Anna. He doesn't want to put Dean and Sam in any danger by taking them with him. He also knows that taking them too might be more than he can still manage. This is so serious that he even slightly snaps at another one of Dean's pop culture references. But when Dean still wants to come even after having an idea of what it will do to Cas, Castiel agrees to take him. If it is that important to Dean then it is worth the pain. It's even worth risking his life.
I'm not sure if Dean really understands how dangerous this is for Cas. Sadly, I don't think that would habe stopped him from asking Castiel to take them with him. But he is still shocked when he finds Cas barely conscious after arriving in the past.
And if this is better than Castiel had expected then he really didn't count on making it through this trip alive especially considering that he has to take them back as well. There is a hint of the Castiel from 2014 here, willing to sacrifice himself for Dean without a second thought without asking for anything in return. Then again, maybe that's just something that has always been and will always be part of him: being ready to die for his cause. The difference lies in his motivation and that - other than the Host or future Dean - Dean does cares. Not as much as he should considering what Castiel is willing to do for him but he cares.
Castiel makes it back to the present, but just barely. He's not even commenting on the fact that Sam and Dean just left him in that motel. He's too weak to even think about that. Too weak to really think at all. He stares at his hand like he really is surprised that he managed to bring back his vessel in one piece. He probably could have waited, gather some more strength for the time jump back. But that would have meant leaving Sam and Dean on their own. Castiel had to make sure they were okay and that's exactly how far he makes it before he passes out again. He's pushed the envelope and he would do it again if Dean asked him to. And while the devotion he holds for Dean is heartwarming it's also sad because he's giving so much more than he gets back and deserves to get back.
Everybody seems to be starving for something (5x14)
Again, Castiel turns up instantly when Dean calls. Almost like he's been waiting for the call and certainly not like he has anything more pressing to do, like finding God. I really think that search has stopped being his top priority by now. He can't give up on it completely, finding his father means too much to him. But part of him knows that the search will most likely be futile.
I love this little akward moment when Dean and Cas stand face to face, phones still in their hands and with Castiel once more invading Dean's personal space. And I think it's a little awkard because Castiel is starting to get some human rules like not just hanging up on someone. Of course, humans usually don't just appear in fron of you while you're on the phone with them.
When Castiel takes a closer look at the hearts his angelic nature comes out. There always seems to be a slight shift in his demeanour whenever something anglic is involved and Castiel feels more in control of a situation. This is a field he knows his way around even if cupids are clearly not his favourite topic.
At the diner, Castiel looks so out of place. He just isn't part of humanity and even with slowly losing his powers he never will be. He's wathing life but not participating in it. And when Famine starts to affect him I don't think it's really burgers he craves, that's how it manifests because he's still using Jimmy's body. What he craves is a little more humanity. Not because he really wants to be human, he prefers being an angel. But because he wants to be part of something again and Team Free Will can't really satisfy this craving.
Castiel calls the cupid with so much authority that you can almost forget he's not really higher up the ranks any more, he's outside the ranks now. And the cupid doesn't really seem to care much about ranks anyway. Castiel doesn't seem surprised. That's just the way cupids are. No one likes it but you have to deal with it. He just treats the cupid like he'd treat any other angel. The cupids emotional outbreak is just another annyong little part of the way cupids are. But usually no one would asks Castiel to comfort one. And this is something that Castiel is not exactly good at. After all, he has just figured out his own emotions not to long ago. But when Dean asks him to and it obviously is the thing you do in such a situation, Castiel will try as part of his learning about humanity process. Even if he doesn't understand it.
I have no idea what you're saying.
When the cupid tells Sam and Dean that their parents' love was heaven made Castiel looks uncomfortable. He obviously knew about this. He also knows that Sam and Dean won't like it so Castiel never told them about this little detail. After all, hearing that your role in the apocalypse has been planned even before your birth is not very encouraging when you're trying to fight fate.
Still, punching a cupid is not the smartest idea and the look Castiel gives Dean cleary states that Dean should have known better. Castiel is annoyed. He had to deal with a cupid, it didn't even get them anywhere, Dean is in a bad mood and he's craving for meat which shouldn't happen. And then he figures it out. Combined with burgers, that lifts his spirits considerably.
While Famine influence manifests itself in Jimmy's craving for burgers it also touches some more abstract craving in Castiel himself. And Castiel knows that. He looks away when he tells the boys about Jimmy's cravings only, leaving out his own.
He doesn't just eat, he also talks about sex and love, the human version of love, like he understands it as more than just an abstract concept and he, overall, just acts a little more human than usual - aside from the part where he's too honest with other humans again - especially in the car where he almost looks more like Jimmy than himself.
I think it's odd that Castiel asks Dean about his hunger stating that he thinks Dean seems unaffected. He should know Dean well enough by now to see that Dean is acting out of character, that he is affected, just in a different way. But he's probably too busy with hid own cravings to notice. He generally seems less concerned about anything. Like the plan for example. Probably another side effect of Famine. In the horseman's presence, Castiel doesn't stand a chance. I don't know how much angels are usually affected. I'm guessing they aren't. But his weakened state combined with the intensity of his cravings, the ones coming from his soul not Jimmy's, leave him powerless against Famine.
When it's over and they have to lock Sam in to detox him, Castiel does his best to comfort Dean. He can see what Dean is going through and while there's nothing he can do as an angel about Sam's condition he offers everything he can as a friend to Dean. This might not be much in this situation but it's honest and concerned and heartfelt.
Dean. Sam just has to get it out if his system. And then he'll be...
When Dean cuts him off and leaves to get some air Castiel doesn't say anything, doesn't stop him. But you can see how much it hurts Cas. Castiel used to be closely connected to so many other angels. Now Dean and Sam are all the family he has. He needs them, he needs to take care of them. He doesn't ask for much in return but Dean rejecting him and his offer for help here, that's hard to take and makes Castiel feel even more alone and powerless.
Screencaps from Misha-Collins.Net
