I agree with most of what you say about Bal here. I was upset with his actions shortly after I've seen the episode, but I had a lot of time to read other opinions and think it over, and now I absolutely agree that Balthazar was heroic in some sense.
He was the one to call Castiel when he learnt about the deal with Crowley. He didn't have to. He could just have run right there and then. He didn't. He could have told Castiel that he was with him, and then stay in the background and out of harms way as much as possible. Again, he didn't. He actively decided to "betray" Cas by going to Sam and Dean. And I'm convinced that he did it because he just couldn't stand by and watch Castiel destroy himself. I don't think he lied when he said he was "in for a penny, in for a pound". He just wasn't in as in helping Castiel follow through with his plan. He was in as in staying at Castiel's side and protecting him in any way he still could, even if that meant betraying him.
I also agree that Balthazar probably knew that Castiel had found him out, and he still came because he would never leave Castiel, even if he had to pay for that with his life.
And yes, maybe you are right, maybe Castiel just was too far gone already. Maybe I just love this character and the relationship between my two angels too much. I just wanted something, you know. Just a small gesture, like some pain, or even just disappointment, from Castiel. Like Cas catching Balthazar's vessel and lowering him to the ground. Just something. But maybe I should just learn to make "Yes, I'll always have you" be enough.
And really, when I think about it, in the end it probably does come down to the wings for me. That is the one thing, that even after weeks, I still can't get over. Unless, of course, there is some significance to it, and we will see Bal again, or learn why there were no wings. But for now, I just hate that they weren't there. One, because it feels a little like Balthazar wasn't seen as important enough to give him even this one second that is only about him. And two, I think I needed this short moment, this short tragic and yet so beautiful moment of seeing Balthazar's wings, for closure. And as long as I don't get this, I don't know how to deal with having lost him. That may sound stupid, because it's such a short shot that changes nothing about what happened, but I'm seriously still struggling with this.
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Date: 2011-08-06 12:07 pm (UTC)He was the one to call Castiel when he learnt about the deal with Crowley. He didn't have to. He could just have run right there and then. He didn't. He could have told Castiel that he was with him, and then stay in the background and out of harms way as much as possible. Again, he didn't. He actively decided to "betray" Cas by going to Sam and Dean. And I'm convinced that he did it because he just couldn't stand by and watch Castiel destroy himself.
I don't think he lied when he said he was "in for a penny, in for a pound". He just wasn't in as in helping Castiel follow through with his plan. He was in as in staying at Castiel's side and protecting him in any way he still could, even if that meant betraying him.
I also agree that Balthazar probably knew that Castiel had found him out, and he still came because he would never leave Castiel, even if he had to pay for that with his life.
And yes, maybe you are right, maybe Castiel just was too far gone already. Maybe I just love this character and the relationship between my two angels too much. I just wanted something, you know. Just a small gesture, like some pain, or even just disappointment, from Castiel. Like Cas catching Balthazar's vessel and lowering him to the ground. Just something. But maybe I should just learn to make "Yes, I'll always have you" be enough.
And really, when I think about it, in the end it probably does come down to the wings for me. That is the one thing, that even after weeks, I still can't get over. Unless, of course, there is some significance to it, and we will see Bal again, or learn why there were no wings.
But for now, I just hate that they weren't there. One, because it feels a little like Balthazar wasn't seen as important enough to give him even this one second that is only about him. And two, I think I needed this short moment, this short tragic and yet so beautiful moment of seeing Balthazar's wings, for closure. And as long as I don't get this, I don't know how to deal with having lost him.
That may sound stupid, because it's such a short shot that changes nothing about what happened, but I'm seriously still struggling with this.