"Stand behind me, Dean. Just this once."
May. 21st, 2011 06:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwaevalarinOkay, I'm somewhat calm now. Still devastated, and angry, and so not okay with this, but calm. And I have decided that I am going to have this whole mess make sense somehow, if it kills me - and it just might, as I'll have to rewatch (parts of) the episodes for this.
So this is going to be less of a review, and more of a first attempt on my personal head canon, where I just might end up ignoring and re-interpreting scenes left and right if I have to. I'm also stealing from ideas I read on LJ and tumblr. So I can't take credit for everything, I'm just putting stuff together, and hope that it'll somehow hold.
Two things first:
One, I am not willing to discuss my views on Sam's and Dean's behaviour. Not this time. You are free to disagree, absolutely, but I just can't talk about this at the moment. Sorry.
And two, I am aware that many of my interpretations are very raw and build on more than shaky foundations. But hey, I'm trying to work with something here that just doesn't make sense. I have the entire summer to work on the details, this is just a first draft.
On to my version of the episodes:
Cas is now on his own, trying to find Purgatory, and of course he goes around and takes whatever he needs to find it. Taking a journal that may point him in the right direction and/or stop anyone from stopping him is what everyone with a little bit of common sense would do in his position.
Crowley is his insidious, evil self and kidnaps Ben and Lisa - because Cas won't let him harm the Winchesters. It hurts when Dean actually assumes that Cas knows about, or even has something to do with that. Seriously, Dean? Have you understood anything about why Cas is doing what he's doing? He is not working with Crowley against you, he is working with Crowley against Raphael.
With considering "their" angel not their angel anymore, they just move on to the next best angel they can think of: Balthazar. And Balthazar is way more direct when it comes to the whole stop calling angels for help whenever you feel like it:
"I'm sorry, boys, do I look like a manservant to you? No? Then quit ringing for me."
Oh, Bal! Did I mention how much I love you?
Apparently Cas told Balthazar that Crowley is alive, but not about their deal. Balthazar does feel betrayed when he hears about it. He is disappointed. But he still sticks with Cas. Even if he's a terrible liar here, he will not go and admit that he had no idea. At least not before he hasn't talked to Castiel about it all, because Castiel might have had a reason not to tell him.
And once again, Cas is there, when Sam calls, not revealing himself but watching the boys with the same sad look on his face. Because he cares, okay, HE CARES. And he is not just going to let Crowley get away with screwing with them, and hurting Dean like that.
While having a go at Crowley, he is interrupted by Balthazar's call, who asks him outright about his deal with the devil. Castiel lies to Balthazar, which makes me sad, but Bal won't just abandon him for that. He asks the one question that no one else seems to really care about: Why? And more importantly, he listens to the answer and pushes Castiel further to make him think about where this will lead, pointing out the obvious flaws of the plan. Balthazar is upset, but he still tries to help Castiel work on a solution. Pay close attention to Balthazar's worries here, about how all those souls will be too much for Castiel to handle, and how they may make him explode. This will be important to my personal canon later.
"I need to know. Are you with me, or not."
"You know, you may be certifiable but - fine. In for a penny, in for a pound."
This is what I'm sticking to. This is where Balthazar's loyalty lies and will always lie. That smile, that shake of his head, that says so clearly: This is not going to end well, but I could never, ever not be with you, you silly little angel. Even if you'll get us both killed.
Dean is being stupid, and Cas is there in an instant to save his life. Again. Dean's guardian angel, whether Dean appreciates it or not. No hidden agenda, even though he does takes that chance to try and talk to Dean again. Tries to explain to him that he has nothing to do with Crowley taking Lisa and Ben, that he is still trustworthy, that he still considers Dean his family. And he finally tells Dean all the things that Rachel already told him, only Cas is so much softer when he does, willing Dean to understand, to trust him, to treat him the way he claims to feel about him:
"I thought you said that we were like family. Well, I think that too. Shouldn't trust run both ways?"
"Cas, I just can't."
"Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call. And I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats, I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing."
"Trust your plan to pop Purgatory?"
"I've earned that, Dean."
He means every single word of it, and he has earned it. And even when Dean lets him know without words that he won't listen, and that he won't trust Cas, Cas still promises to bring Ben and Lisa back. For Dean. Again. Everything for Dean. He'll do that whether Dean follows him or not, but he has to ask one more time. That last shred of hope, that maybe not everything is lost. And Dean just goes and throws is all back into Castiel's face. Castiel, who is standing there, with absolute desperation and tears in his eyes.
You don't deserve him, Dean, you know that? And still he'll always love you and do anything for you.
And shortly after that Balthazar turns up to tell Sam that he's "officially" on their team, and that he wants them to consider him their double agent.
Translation: Cas send me. He knows you won't listen to him and do the exact opposite of what he ask of you just on principle. So we'll just pretend I'm betraying him, and helping you, when it's really Cas helping you through me. Which would be completely unnecessary if you boys weren't so damn stupid and stubborn.
Balthazar may tell the boys a little more than Cas asked - and wanted - him to, but he is still with Cas. I'm not going to give up on that.
Dean saves Ben and Lisa, kind of, which is exactly what Cas promised him, and the Cas even turns up to fix the one thing that went wrong: He heals Lisa, once again not asking for a thing in return. And again, no matter what Dean throws at him:
"I'm sorry"
"I don't care. It's too little, too late."
Funny, I feel Cas has way more reason to say something like that. But when Dean asked him to do even more for him and wipe Lisa's and Ben's memories, he does that as well, not questions asked.
"Dean, I said I'm sorry, and I meant it."
"Thank you. I wish this changed anything."
"I know. So do I."
And this is where Cas gives up on them. This is where he has reached his limits: I love you, Dean, but I see that whatever I do, I won't get through to you, and I won't get you to trust me again. Goodbye, Dean, be save.
And then Cas is off to find Dr. Visyak, the last missing piece on his way to Purgatory. Even now Castiel begs Sam, Dean and Bobby to get out of harms way. He knows they won't, but even now that he can't consider them friends and allies any more - because Dean made it more than clear that they aren't - he does not want them to get harmed. It's just that this fight IS more important, it just is. So Cas does the one thing he can think of that will get the boys off his back. He breaks Sam's wall And yes, that's pretty tough, and pretty desperate. I get why people would be shocked by and angry at Cas for this. But he doesn't want to do this, he just sees no other option. He can knock Sam out, or he can have the boys get themselves killed and probably screw everything up in the process. This is not about harming Sam permanently - even though I admit that Cas probably can't be sure it won't. Cas does fully intent to put Sam back together afterwards. And he probably also knows that Dean will never forgive him, even if he does. He'll do it anyway. He'll save their lives, and the world, and sacrifice that last spark of hope left for their friendship. Because this is what needs to be done to keep the world, their world, turning. There is no going back.
Funny, that Castiel's actions here are actually what gives Sam the chance to become whole again. I wish I could say that was Castiel's intention but... it wasn't. I'm not blaming him for making difficult choices for the right reasons, so I'm not going to praise him for doing something good unintentionally either.
Okay, so I guess there really is no way around Balthazar betraying Cas by giving Dean the location. Unless, it's not really betrayal. I'm picturing an argument between Cas and Bal, where they talk about this. Castiel does not want the boys in harms way, Balthazar thinks that Cas will need them there. And then Bal is off, just doing what he thinks is right, and Castiel does know what Balthazar is about to do, he just doesn't agree with it.
Also notice that Balthazar claims that he won't get involved any more, but then returns to Castiel later. Some things here don't add up. I just haven't really figured this one out yet. So if you have any better theories of what really happened here that may be acceptable for my personal head canon, do share.
And if you can, include the part where Castiel suddenly decides to renegotiate his terms with Crowley. I mean, that's weird, right? Like Castiel says himself, he isn't stupid. So why risk everything all of a sudden by pissing of Crowley like that.
No, Castiel did talk with Balthazar, and that changed things. They have some sort of plan, where Bal tells the boys, maybe even with Castiel's permission, and where Crowley is supposed to be pissed. I just can't figure it out yet. But I will make sense of this, too, somehow.
Carrying on for now:
When Balthazar comes back, Castiel already knows that Bal was the one to tell Dean, and Balthazar knows that Cas knows. And even if everything is exactly as it seems, and Bal simply betrayed Cas by telling the boys, there is no way Cas would just kill his best friend. Does not make any sense. There is also the fact that we see Cas stab Balthazar, and we see his grace light up, but we never actually see him dead. I choose to believe that this is significant. Not to mention that his eyes glow blue when he whispers Cas' name and sinks to the ground. I don't think we've ever seen that before.
"Well, you always got little old me."
"Yes, I always have you."
What if the grace of two angels has a better chance of controlling those souls than one? What if Cas didn't as much kill Balthazar but unite with him. What if Balthazar is, in some way. part of Cas now? Together forever. Okay, maybe not forever, maybe they just sort of share the same vessel now, and when everything is over the can go back to being two separate angels again. I choose to believe that the only reason Castiel did not catch Balthazar's vessel when it fell is because he was too busy catching his essence. And the reason we didn't get to see the body is because there were no wings, because Balthazar isn't actually dead.
Yes, I'm desperate.
Can I please just say: Cas (or Cas and Bal) outsmarted Crowley! Way to go, my angel(s)! This also points to Cas having had some kind of plan about the whole calling the deal with Crowley off thing. He knew Crowley would be back, and that he could distract him with the dog blood. Otherwise, why would he have a char of dog blood ready? He just probably didn't expect Raphael.
There is really only one thing that went wrong with this whole plan: Something from Purgatory took over. This is not Castiel, not even Castiel on a power trip. He holds himself differently, he sounds differently. This is something else pretending to be Cas, and Cas is probably somewhere in there (together with Balthazar) fighting for control.
But Sam and Dean apparently believe that it's Cas consumed by power, and Sam just stabs him without real need. That thing pretending to be Cas who they believe is Cas was not threatening anyone at that moment. But sure, just go ahead and try to kill him, instead of trying to save him.
Fight, Cas, fight! And don't forget, you always have Balthazar. You are together, you can do this!
TL,DR: 1. Castiel and Balthazar where in this together, and had some kind of plan where Cas needed to stab Balthazar, and then somehow catch his grace.
2. Castiel in the end of 6x22 wasn't really Cas, but something from Purgatory possessing Cas, while Cas is in there somewhere fighting for control (together with Balthazar).
And one day I am going to figure this out in a way that makes sense.
So this is going to be less of a review, and more of a first attempt on my personal head canon, where I just might end up ignoring and re-interpreting scenes left and right if I have to. I'm also stealing from ideas I read on LJ and tumblr. So I can't take credit for everything, I'm just putting stuff together, and hope that it'll somehow hold.
Two things first:
One, I am not willing to discuss my views on Sam's and Dean's behaviour. Not this time. You are free to disagree, absolutely, but I just can't talk about this at the moment. Sorry.
And two, I am aware that many of my interpretations are very raw and build on more than shaky foundations. But hey, I'm trying to work with something here that just doesn't make sense. I have the entire summer to work on the details, this is just a first draft.
On to my version of the episodes:
Cas is now on his own, trying to find Purgatory, and of course he goes around and takes whatever he needs to find it. Taking a journal that may point him in the right direction and/or stop anyone from stopping him is what everyone with a little bit of common sense would do in his position.
Crowley is his insidious, evil self and kidnaps Ben and Lisa - because Cas won't let him harm the Winchesters. It hurts when Dean actually assumes that Cas knows about, or even has something to do with that. Seriously, Dean? Have you understood anything about why Cas is doing what he's doing? He is not working with Crowley against you, he is working with Crowley against Raphael.
With considering "their" angel not their angel anymore, they just move on to the next best angel they can think of: Balthazar. And Balthazar is way more direct when it comes to the whole stop calling angels for help whenever you feel like it:
"I'm sorry, boys, do I look like a manservant to you? No? Then quit ringing for me."
Oh, Bal! Did I mention how much I love you?
Apparently Cas told Balthazar that Crowley is alive, but not about their deal. Balthazar does feel betrayed when he hears about it. He is disappointed. But he still sticks with Cas. Even if he's a terrible liar here, he will not go and admit that he had no idea. At least not before he hasn't talked to Castiel about it all, because Castiel might have had a reason not to tell him.
And once again, Cas is there, when Sam calls, not revealing himself but watching the boys with the same sad look on his face. Because he cares, okay, HE CARES. And he is not just going to let Crowley get away with screwing with them, and hurting Dean like that.
While having a go at Crowley, he is interrupted by Balthazar's call, who asks him outright about his deal with the devil. Castiel lies to Balthazar, which makes me sad, but Bal won't just abandon him for that. He asks the one question that no one else seems to really care about: Why? And more importantly, he listens to the answer and pushes Castiel further to make him think about where this will lead, pointing out the obvious flaws of the plan. Balthazar is upset, but he still tries to help Castiel work on a solution. Pay close attention to Balthazar's worries here, about how all those souls will be too much for Castiel to handle, and how they may make him explode. This will be important to my personal canon later.
"I need to know. Are you with me, or not."
"You know, you may be certifiable but - fine. In for a penny, in for a pound."
This is what I'm sticking to. This is where Balthazar's loyalty lies and will always lie. That smile, that shake of his head, that says so clearly: This is not going to end well, but I could never, ever not be with you, you silly little angel. Even if you'll get us both killed.
Dean is being stupid, and Cas is there in an instant to save his life. Again. Dean's guardian angel, whether Dean appreciates it or not. No hidden agenda, even though he does takes that chance to try and talk to Dean again. Tries to explain to him that he has nothing to do with Crowley taking Lisa and Ben, that he is still trustworthy, that he still considers Dean his family. And he finally tells Dean all the things that Rachel already told him, only Cas is so much softer when he does, willing Dean to understand, to trust him, to treat him the way he claims to feel about him:
"I thought you said that we were like family. Well, I think that too. Shouldn't trust run both ways?"
"Cas, I just can't."
"Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call. And I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats, I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing."
"Trust your plan to pop Purgatory?"
"I've earned that, Dean."
He means every single word of it, and he has earned it. And even when Dean lets him know without words that he won't listen, and that he won't trust Cas, Cas still promises to bring Ben and Lisa back. For Dean. Again. Everything for Dean. He'll do that whether Dean follows him or not, but he has to ask one more time. That last shred of hope, that maybe not everything is lost. And Dean just goes and throws is all back into Castiel's face. Castiel, who is standing there, with absolute desperation and tears in his eyes.
You don't deserve him, Dean, you know that? And still he'll always love you and do anything for you.
And shortly after that Balthazar turns up to tell Sam that he's "officially" on their team, and that he wants them to consider him their double agent.
Translation: Cas send me. He knows you won't listen to him and do the exact opposite of what he ask of you just on principle. So we'll just pretend I'm betraying him, and helping you, when it's really Cas helping you through me. Which would be completely unnecessary if you boys weren't so damn stupid and stubborn.
Balthazar may tell the boys a little more than Cas asked - and wanted - him to, but he is still with Cas. I'm not going to give up on that.
Dean saves Ben and Lisa, kind of, which is exactly what Cas promised him, and the Cas even turns up to fix the one thing that went wrong: He heals Lisa, once again not asking for a thing in return. And again, no matter what Dean throws at him:
"I'm sorry"
"I don't care. It's too little, too late."
Funny, I feel Cas has way more reason to say something like that. But when Dean asked him to do even more for him and wipe Lisa's and Ben's memories, he does that as well, not questions asked.
"Dean, I said I'm sorry, and I meant it."
"Thank you. I wish this changed anything."
"I know. So do I."
And this is where Cas gives up on them. This is where he has reached his limits: I love you, Dean, but I see that whatever I do, I won't get through to you, and I won't get you to trust me again. Goodbye, Dean, be save.
And then Cas is off to find Dr. Visyak, the last missing piece on his way to Purgatory. Even now Castiel begs Sam, Dean and Bobby to get out of harms way. He knows they won't, but even now that he can't consider them friends and allies any more - because Dean made it more than clear that they aren't - he does not want them to get harmed. It's just that this fight IS more important, it just is. So Cas does the one thing he can think of that will get the boys off his back. He breaks Sam's wall And yes, that's pretty tough, and pretty desperate. I get why people would be shocked by and angry at Cas for this. But he doesn't want to do this, he just sees no other option. He can knock Sam out, or he can have the boys get themselves killed and probably screw everything up in the process. This is not about harming Sam permanently - even though I admit that Cas probably can't be sure it won't. Cas does fully intent to put Sam back together afterwards. And he probably also knows that Dean will never forgive him, even if he does. He'll do it anyway. He'll save their lives, and the world, and sacrifice that last spark of hope left for their friendship. Because this is what needs to be done to keep the world, their world, turning. There is no going back.
Funny, that Castiel's actions here are actually what gives Sam the chance to become whole again. I wish I could say that was Castiel's intention but... it wasn't. I'm not blaming him for making difficult choices for the right reasons, so I'm not going to praise him for doing something good unintentionally either.
Okay, so I guess there really is no way around Balthazar betraying Cas by giving Dean the location. Unless, it's not really betrayal. I'm picturing an argument between Cas and Bal, where they talk about this. Castiel does not want the boys in harms way, Balthazar thinks that Cas will need them there. And then Bal is off, just doing what he thinks is right, and Castiel does know what Balthazar is about to do, he just doesn't agree with it.
Also notice that Balthazar claims that he won't get involved any more, but then returns to Castiel later. Some things here don't add up. I just haven't really figured this one out yet. So if you have any better theories of what really happened here that may be acceptable for my personal head canon, do share.
And if you can, include the part where Castiel suddenly decides to renegotiate his terms with Crowley. I mean, that's weird, right? Like Castiel says himself, he isn't stupid. So why risk everything all of a sudden by pissing of Crowley like that.
No, Castiel did talk with Balthazar, and that changed things. They have some sort of plan, where Bal tells the boys, maybe even with Castiel's permission, and where Crowley is supposed to be pissed. I just can't figure it out yet. But I will make sense of this, too, somehow.
Carrying on for now:
When Balthazar comes back, Castiel already knows that Bal was the one to tell Dean, and Balthazar knows that Cas knows. And even if everything is exactly as it seems, and Bal simply betrayed Cas by telling the boys, there is no way Cas would just kill his best friend. Does not make any sense. There is also the fact that we see Cas stab Balthazar, and we see his grace light up, but we never actually see him dead. I choose to believe that this is significant. Not to mention that his eyes glow blue when he whispers Cas' name and sinks to the ground. I don't think we've ever seen that before.
"Well, you always got little old me."
"Yes, I always have you."
What if the grace of two angels has a better chance of controlling those souls than one? What if Cas didn't as much kill Balthazar but unite with him. What if Balthazar is, in some way. part of Cas now? Together forever. Okay, maybe not forever, maybe they just sort of share the same vessel now, and when everything is over the can go back to being two separate angels again. I choose to believe that the only reason Castiel did not catch Balthazar's vessel when it fell is because he was too busy catching his essence. And the reason we didn't get to see the body is because there were no wings, because Balthazar isn't actually dead.
Yes, I'm desperate.
Can I please just say: Cas (or Cas and Bal) outsmarted Crowley! Way to go, my angel(s)! This also points to Cas having had some kind of plan about the whole calling the deal with Crowley off thing. He knew Crowley would be back, and that he could distract him with the dog blood. Otherwise, why would he have a char of dog blood ready? He just probably didn't expect Raphael.
There is really only one thing that went wrong with this whole plan: Something from Purgatory took over. This is not Castiel, not even Castiel on a power trip. He holds himself differently, he sounds differently. This is something else pretending to be Cas, and Cas is probably somewhere in there (together with Balthazar) fighting for control.
But Sam and Dean apparently believe that it's Cas consumed by power, and Sam just stabs him without real need. That thing pretending to be Cas who they believe is Cas was not threatening anyone at that moment. But sure, just go ahead and try to kill him, instead of trying to save him.
Fight, Cas, fight! And don't forget, you always have Balthazar. You are together, you can do this!
TL,DR: 1. Castiel and Balthazar where in this together, and had some kind of plan where Cas needed to stab Balthazar, and then somehow catch his grace.
2. Castiel in the end of 6x22 wasn't really Cas, but something from Purgatory possessing Cas, while Cas is in there somewhere fighting for control (together with Balthazar).
And one day I am going to figure this out in a way that makes sense.
