I just wanted something, you know. Just a small gesture, like some pain, or even just disappointment, from Castiel.
Yes. I would have preferred this too. Like with Rachael, who got a heartfelt 'I'm sorry' and was attacked in self-defense, not as a pre-meditated murder... When I think back over the episode, and the couple of times I've rewatched it, Castiel's killing of Bal is STILL the part that sticks the most, the part I have to psyche myself up for, the part I have the most trouble getting my mind and my heart around because... I get that he felt betrayed (it was a betrayal), I get that he wanted to distance himself from Bal, that he wanted to distance himself from everyone, Sam and Dean too, because he wanted to stop caring about them, because caring about them made their actions against him so painful... but did he have to go so far as KILLING Bal to achieve that distance?
He distanced himself from Sam by breaking his wall.
But Dean? All Cas did to keep Dean at a distance was TELL HIM - 'I don't care what you think.'
Gah. I'm rambling now and not sure where I'm going with this. Really, being the massive Dean/Cas shipper I am, I am probably glad, deep down, that Cas' affection for Dean was the hardest that Cas found to back away from but just... it still hurts that Cas seemed to be able to remove himself from his affection for Bal so completely :( My friend Kate argues this is because Cas never had any affection for Bal, and I guess there is an argument that the relationship was mostly one-sided on Bal's part. But Cas called him a 'good friend' and I think that meant something.
And I get what you mean about the wings being closure. Because EVERY major angel that's died has had a wing shot, which makes Balthazar an anomaly, something different, something new. It's hard NOT to see some meaning in that and while I was willing to write it off at first because I didn't want to get my hopes up, everytime I think of Bal this fact inevitably crops up until it reaches the point where it's the only thing I can think about, my mind chorusing over and over 'what does it mean what does it mean?' So, yeah, it's reached the point where even if the writers confirmed it was meaningless that there were no wings it will forever being meaningful to me!
Guess we'll be stupid and crazy over this together *clings*
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Date: 2011-08-06 02:35 pm (UTC)Yes. I would have preferred this too. Like with Rachael, who got a heartfelt 'I'm sorry' and was attacked in self-defense, not as a pre-meditated murder... When I think back over the episode, and the couple of times I've rewatched it, Castiel's killing of Bal is STILL the part that sticks the most, the part I have to psyche myself up for, the part I have the most trouble getting my mind and my heart around because... I get that he felt betrayed (it was a betrayal), I get that he wanted to distance himself from Bal, that he wanted to distance himself from everyone, Sam and Dean too, because he wanted to stop caring about them, because caring about them made their actions against him so painful... but did he have to go so far as KILLING Bal to achieve that distance?
He distanced himself from Sam by breaking his wall.
But Dean? All Cas did to keep Dean at a distance was TELL HIM - 'I don't care what you think.'
Gah. I'm rambling now and not sure where I'm going with this. Really, being the massive Dean/Cas shipper I am, I am probably glad, deep down, that Cas' affection for Dean was the hardest that Cas found to back away from but just... it still hurts that Cas seemed to be able to remove himself from his affection for Bal so completely :( My friend Kate argues this is because Cas never had any affection for Bal, and I guess there is an argument that the relationship was mostly one-sided on Bal's part. But Cas called him a 'good friend' and I think that meant something.
And I get what you mean about the wings being closure. Because EVERY major angel that's died has had a wing shot, which makes Balthazar an anomaly, something different, something new. It's hard NOT to see some meaning in that and while I was willing to write it off at first because I didn't want to get my hopes up, everytime I think of Bal this fact inevitably crops up until it reaches the point where it's the only thing I can think about, my mind chorusing over and over 'what does it mean what does it mean?' So, yeah, it's reached the point where even if the writers confirmed it was meaningless that there were no wings it will forever being meaningful to me!
Guess we'll be stupid and crazy over this together *clings*