gwaevalarin: (Nate b/w)
[personal profile] gwaevalarin
I'm trying to imagine what went through Felix's head when he learned that Pan loved him. Didn't just love him, loved him more than anything else in the world.

But at the same time it was the most horrible thing to hear in that moment, when "love" was synonym with "betrayal" and "death".

It's like Felix had his happy ending right in front of him, and the same words that undeniable gave it to him were the words that ripped it away.

I've seen a few people complain about how they didn't like Felix's reaction. And I admit, when I pictured this moment, I too pictured Felix just reaching into his own chest to hand his heart over to Pan. Not that this would have been a good thing, but it seemed like something Felix would actually do. After all, he is loyal to Pan to a fault.
But the more I think about it, the more I think the way it played out makes sense. With Felix kicking and screaming and begging Pan no. Because the one thing he wasn't willing to do was leaving Pan's side. Certainly not now after hearing that Pan cared about him as well. Something he never dared to even consider. Just look at how utterly surprised he was when he realized "It's me." Wouldn't you fight with everything you had when all the possibilities and implications, both selfish and selfless, that come with this realization suddenly open up to you? When you learn that you weren't as lost as you always thought after all?

I also like to believe that Pan was particularly cold and snarky for the rest of the episode because he had to shut out the pain from what he had done.

Because the thing is... he did love Felix. That wasn't just a lie for his own gain. He used him, yes. He ripped his heart out for revenge and it wasn't pretty. Pan isn't nice, and this is not a happy ship. Don't go anywhere near it or Pan in general if you want fluffy. But the person he used had to be Felix because Felix was who he loved most. It's an undeniable fact. That's the nature of the curse.

I'm also wondering about how careless Pan was later in the episode, when it was perfectly plain that Rumple had something up his sleeve. Pan may be arrogant but he is not stupid and always at least two steps ahead of everyone else. And suddenly he is fooled like that?
Either losing Felix hit him harder than he would ever admit even to himself.
Or he got exactly what he wanted.

I don't know any spoilers but I do have some hope that we may not have seen the last of Pan.

Peter Pan never fails, right?

And until canon says otherwise, I'm also going to headcanon that the same goes for Felix. That Pan outwitted even the rules of the curse and that his plans include bringing Felix back / undoing his death.
After all, there was a lot of "we" when Pan talked to Felix about his plans. A lot more than was necessary to deceive Felix.

What happens to people who died in Storybrooke now that Storybrooke never existed anyway?

Denial is a nice place to be, and I'm just not ready to let go of this ship just yet.
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