Castiel - Between Heaven and Earth (Part 2)

[gwaevalarin]

I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore (4x07)

Dean knows it's Castiel in their motel room before he's even seen him. And he's awefully concerned that Sam draws his weapon. But he still doesn't seem to realise himself how much he already trusts Castiel. Uriel, on the other hand: Instant distrust.
Sam turns into such a fanboy while Castiel seems slightly confused that Sam - who's supposed to be dangerous and not as righteous as Dean - reacts so differently to him and shows him more respect than Dean did. And I think that's the real reason why he hesitates to take Sam's hand. He just didn't expect Sam to be like that. The respect Sam shows him almost fills him with an angelic version of glee.


"Sam Winchester, the boy with the demon blood. I'm glad to hear you've ceased your extracurricular activities."

I love this moment. There is something very warm in that handshake. Castiel is so pleasently surprised and almost impressed by Sam's demeanour and I'm sure that he decided there and then to give Sam a chance. Unlike Uriel who doesn't show any sympathy at all and therefore makes Castiel look really good.

Still, Dean, not Sam, is Castiel's charge so he turns back to Dean, basically ignoring Sam. And he's back to business. He allows himself a moment of kindness or sympathy once in a while but they're rare at this point. Especially with Uriel around. I'm not sure Castiel ever really liked Uriel. They are brothers and they are working together but Castiel doesn't seem too happy to have him on this assignment. Maybe because Castiel doesn't like the assignment in the first place. He looks so torn. On the one hand there's Uriel and his mission and on the other hand there is Dean who always says what he really thinks and who has influenced Castiel a lot more already than he would ever admit.


I'm sorry. But we have our orders. [...] We have no choice."

Castiel clearly isn't comfortable with the situation he's in. He hesitates, he's looking away. He looks almost nervous. Of course he isn't allowed to tell Dean anything about the test but with his eyes he's basically begging him to save the town. And to understand that this is not what he, Castiel, really wants but only what he's been ordered to do. Which should be the same thing but just isn't. Even though I don't think he's even aware of it. When he's trying to convince Dean that destroying the town is the right thing to do he's just as much trying to convince himself.

Again he gets angry when Dean objects simply because he knows Dean and Sam have a point and he's deperate not to let the doubts get a hold on him. He knows he's wrong, he knows it so perfectly well but he can't admit it. This would question everything he's ever done, everything he ever stood for. But when Dean decides to stand up against this mad plan and to try to save the town he immediately gives him the chance because that means he can do what he feels is right and still follow is orders.
Castiel doesn't take is eyes off Dean when he gives him the go. He's willing Dean to understand that in his own way he already is on their side.


"There is a reason we were sent so save him. He has potental, he may succeed here.

I love how, in his talk with Uriel, Castiel doesn't just defend human kind in general but Dean in particular. And that he obviously trusts that Dean might be able to save the seal. And how relieved he seems that what he feels is right and his orders tell him to do the same thing. Of course Uriel is trying to screw things up but that's not a real threat because it would mean disobedience which is not an option. Not yet.

Dean does not fully live up to Castiel's expectations. The seal is broken but they stop Samhain and save the town and that seems to be good enough for our angel. He can now tell Dean what the whole thing really was about and he seems quite happy with the outcome of the test. He even smiles, a very small, sad smile but still. How often have we seen Castiel smile?


"You misunderstand me, Dean. I'm not like you think, I was praying that you'd choose to save the town."

He's proud of Dean. He's glad that, thanks to Dean, it ended the way it did. He hasn't forgotten about the broken seal and what it means but, in that moment, it just isn't that important. And when he reminds Dean of what might lie ahead his voice is softer than ever before on the show. And then Castiel takes a huge step and opens up to Dean probably more than he's ever openened up to anyone else, ever:


"I'm not a hammer as you say. I have questions and I have doubts. I don't know what is right and what is wrong any more. Whether you've passed or failed here."

He admits this, not only to Dean but to himself. Those doubts he has are growing so strong that he can't just ignore them any longer. So he admits them to the one person he knows will understand, the person who made him aware that he had these doubts in the first place: Dean. But it still takes a lot of trust. I'd go as far as to say that there's already some sort of friendship between them at this point. At least from Castiel's side. He trusts Dean and he truely cares about him. And Dean is starting to see and appreciate it.


We have a history (4x09/4x10)

Castiel turns up with another kick-ass entry. And that short scene alone makes me wonder what exactly happened when Anna fell. How Castiel was involved/affected by it.


"She has to die"

His expression doesn't say I'm really sorry but that are my orders. It says This is personal. And honestly, this:


"You're some heartless sons of bitches, you know that?"
"As a matter of fact we are. And?"

This is so not Castiel as we know him. Not even back then. My take on the whole Anna-Castiel-background is something like this: We know Anna was Castiel's superior. They were probably close, like, really close. And when Anna developed human feelings and decided to fall she asked Cas to fall with her. And maybe a tiny little part of him wanted to but he could never admit to that. It was wrong and filled him with disgust that Anna, who he had always admired and trusted, would ever even think of such blasphemy. So he begged her to fight these forbidden emotions but she only look at him almost with pity and jumped anyway leaving him behind.
And now the feelings he shouldn't even have are conflicting. On the one hand it's Anna and of course he still cares especially now that, even though he still won't admit it, he's starting to understand her motives. But on the other hand she's betrayed him and God and everything he stands for. He goes for anger and revenge and a twisted sense of justice but he can't hide the pain in his eyes.

Fortunately Anna can repel Castiel and Uriel. Because I don't think Cas could have lived with killing Anna. And I love the scene for giving us another glimpse of his wing shadows.



Side note: Is Sam the first one to call Castiel "Cas"? And in that situation? Or have I missed the first use of his nickname?

And there Castiel is again for the showdown with kick-ass, throwing-the-door-open entry, attempt number two. And within a second all those emotions are visible in Castiel's eyes again. I can't even capture them all. He's struggling. There's Anna, right in front of him, which must bring back memories. There's Dean who he (or rather Uriel but that doesn't make a difference) has forced to tell him their whereabouts, destroying the trust Dean might have built in him. There's jealousy when Anna kisses Dean. Not (just) because of the kiss but because of the human emotions they share and the forgiveness Anna grants Dean but not him. There's anger for the way Anna treats him like he's the one who's wrong here - which he knows he is - when she is the one who disobeyed and fell, confusion because Anna holds her head up high, not regretting anything, and pain because he's hurting the two people he truely cares about and they hurt him.



"I'm sorry."
"No, you're not. Not really. You don't know the feeling."
"Still, we have a history. It's just..."
"Orders are orders, I know.""

He doesn't protest when she tells him he doesn't even know what being sorry means. She's right, he doesn't. But he's starting to experience first hand what having feelings means. When he reminds her of their history his voice almost breaks.

And in that light, Alastair's entry probably isn't that unwelcome. There's nothing complicated or confusing about that situation. Well, aside from the fact that Castiel can't exorcise Alastair which throws him slightly off balance.




But fortunately Dean is there to save him. So it looks like Castiel didn't destroy all of the trust they had built. But this and Anna getting her grace back also means that the confusion is back. Poor Cas, this really is a tough episode for him. But also one that's teaching him a lot both about himself and humanity.



And when he holds Uriel back and gives Dean a look that is so, so sad and defeated and simultaneouly asks for fogiveness and doesn't dare to ask for anything, he proves that he does know what being sorry means after all.



Part 1 / Masterpost / Part 3

All screencaps from Misha-Collins.Net