"Maybe one day you'll understand."

[gwaevalarin]

• So they did go down the drug addiction path but they did it so amazingly well. Sam's hallucinations gave such a great insight into what's going on in his mind. His younger self, so disappointed because he always had just this one dream of being normal. Mary, who I wanted to believe because she sounded so reassuring. Apart from the "Dean is weak." part. That didn't sound like her. And Dean. The one thing Sam's really afraid of is losing Dean's trust and love. He desperately wants his brother by his side.
  
• That scene with Sam and Bobby in the yard just broke my heart. I think Bobby is the only one who really sees what's happening, who sees both sides. He sees what Sam is trying to do but also what that does to him.
  
• Because Dean is wrong. Sam is not a monster. He drinks demon blood, he is on a dark path and yes, he's absolutely lying to himself. But he still does it because he desperately wants to believe that it's the right thing. He still wants to believe that he can take this curse and turn it into something good. And I think if Dean trusted him he actually might. Just listen to how reaonable Sam sounds when he tries to explain to Dean what he's doing and why he needs to go on. What's happening here might be exactly what I anticipated at the beginning of the season. Dean pushing Sam into the pit with the very best of intentions.
  
• By which I don't mean to say that I blame Dean. He's angry and hurt and disappointed. And Bobby is probably right: He just loves Sam too much.
  
• As odd as it might seem: I don't think we've seen that much brotherly love on the show for months. It isn't gone. It's as strong as ever. They only fight because they both care so much and because they need each other which makes all this so much more heart-breaking.
  
• And Castiel? You can so clearly see that he doesn't want to follow his orders but he doesn't dare to disobey. You can see it when he apologises to Dean and when Anna confronts him. There's so much doubt in his eyes. He doesn't act out of faith. And I'm glad that deep down he hasn't really changed while he was gone last episode.
  
• "When all this is over, I hope we can fix things." Me too, Sammy, me too.
  

Is it next Thursday yet? Then again, do I really want to see it?