So many feelings about this, and on the whole I'm with you, but I stayed up for this episode so I'm SHATTERED and can't break down everything in my mind yet.
Since it's become something of a tradition with us now though I thought I'd pop over to talk to you about Dean.
Oh Dean. Dean. DEAN.
I flutuated between feeling sorry for him as he drowned himself in alcohol and appeared to be grieving to feeling like I'd been slapped in the face at the 'kill him now!' line.
But then he seemed genuinely upset when Cas wasn't breathing and gave that subtle nod when Cas was promising to redeem himself that I take as stoic Dean-non-speak for a promise to accept that and a desire to forgive and (hopefully) work at some redemption of his own.
The way I'm seeing it right now is that denial was abounding throughout because the truth was too painful.
It was too painful to admit that his best friend CAS might be mascarading as God, so Dean HAD to believe that there was nothing of his friend left, that there was no way of reaching him. Meaning killing him was the best and only opition, something cleaner and easier to deal with than working through any difficult emotions the guy might be feeling (much like I imagine Cas felt in regards to Bal at the end, in fact).
Then later, when Cas was pouring his heart out and apologising, it was, of course, too painful for Dean to face up to the idea that, to his GUILT over the fact that, he might have stuff to apologise for too. Much easier to roll with the blame Cas was giving himself, pretend everything lay on Cas' shoulders, be gruff with the guy, tell him yeah he should feel bad, because perhaps that will stop Dean feeling bad himself.
And then when Cas was dead we get Dean repeating a couple of things from last season 'Cas, you child' and 'you should have come to me for help,' which, imo, is more denial of his own responsibility for the situation. Denial Dean needs even more at that moment cos he's not just trying to avoid the pain and guilt of his part in Castiel's misguided godhood, he's trying to avoid his part in Cas' DEATH, the idea that HE HELPED make his angel all cold and bloody at his feet by NOT helping him when he could have.
So yeah. Dean was a dick, AGAIN. But it's no different to the kind of dick he's always been and I CAN WORK WITH THAT. He's like... like those cowardly characters epic stories sometimes have you know? At the moment at least. The ones that spend the whole quest running and hiding and sometimes even leading the rest of the team into trouble. The ones everyone usually hates, but I always watch like a hawk because I KNOW there's a trope for cowardly characters like that, I know that, once their cowardace has been built up enough they will be given a chance at a defining moment of glory where they will finally man up and save the day and be all the stronger and braver and more interesting than the leads for it...
Not that I'm holding out for Dean to actually get one of these. To actually say the words 'I'm sorry too, Cas' and mean them in all the ways I want him to. But the potential is there, and right now that's enough for me.
no subject
Since it's become something of a tradition with us now though I thought I'd pop over to talk to you about Dean.
Oh Dean. Dean. DEAN.
I flutuated between feeling sorry for him as he drowned himself in alcohol and appeared to be grieving to feeling like I'd been slapped in the face at the 'kill him now!' line.
But then he seemed genuinely upset when Cas wasn't breathing and gave that subtle nod when Cas was promising to redeem himself that I take as stoic Dean-non-speak for a promise to accept that and a desire to forgive and (hopefully) work at some redemption of his own.
The way I'm seeing it right now is that denial was abounding throughout because the truth was too painful.
It was too painful to admit that his best friend CAS might be mascarading as God, so Dean HAD to believe that there was nothing of his friend left, that there was no way of reaching him. Meaning killing him was the best and only opition, something cleaner and easier to deal with than working through any difficult emotions the guy might be feeling (much like I imagine Cas felt in regards to Bal at the end, in fact).
Then later, when Cas was pouring his heart out and apologising, it was, of course, too painful for Dean to face up to the idea that, to his GUILT over the fact that, he might have stuff to apologise for too. Much easier to roll with the blame Cas was giving himself, pretend everything lay on Cas' shoulders, be gruff with the guy, tell him yeah he should feel bad, because perhaps that will stop Dean feeling bad himself.
And then when Cas was dead we get Dean repeating a couple of things from last season 'Cas, you child' and 'you should have come to me for help,' which, imo, is more denial of his own responsibility for the situation. Denial Dean needs even more at that moment cos he's not just trying to avoid the pain and guilt of his part in Castiel's misguided godhood, he's trying to avoid his part in Cas' DEATH, the idea that HE HELPED make his angel all cold and bloody at his feet by NOT helping him when he could have.
So yeah. Dean was a dick, AGAIN. But it's no different to the kind of dick he's always been and I CAN WORK WITH THAT. He's like... like those cowardly characters epic stories sometimes have you know? At the moment at least. The ones that spend the whole quest running and hiding and sometimes even leading the rest of the team into trouble. The ones everyone usually hates, but I always watch like a hawk because I KNOW there's a trope for cowardly characters like that, I know that, once their cowardace has been built up enough they will be given a chance at a defining moment of glory where they will finally man up and save the day and be all the stronger and braver and more interesting than the leads for it...
Not that I'm holding out for Dean to actually get one of these. To actually say the words 'I'm sorry too, Cas' and mean them in all the ways I want him to. But the potential is there, and right now that's enough for me.
/ramble